Tag Archives: stigma

Stigma

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While writing the previous post regarding the sleep study, I remembered something.

When I was hospitalized, the one thing the nurses emphasized to me over and over and over again was that I didn’t have to tell anyone where I had been UNLESS I CHOSE TO DO SO. We even had a cover story for where I was that weekend as I was supposed to be co-hosting my sister-in-law’s baby shower. I was very ill and unable to attend. Everything was kept very quiet at the time and only immediate family knew what was really going on. My mother drove down from VA the night I was hospitalized so Chris could go to work and we would have someone to care for the kids (THANKS MOM!)

I don’t know why we kept it so quiet then. Fear? Shame? I wasn’t well enough to feel either of those things and honestly, I am obviously not ashamed of having been hospitalized because if I was I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing right now.

As far as my hospitalization goes, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I rested and it was the beginning of what I do today. It opened my eyes to what a specialized population mothers with mood disorders are and strengthened my resolve not to let any mother go through the experience alone and unguided. If there is anything worse than a Postpartum Mood Disorder, it’s going through it alone, feeling misunderstood by everyone around you, wondering what on earth is going on with you and getting scared out of your mind.

You don’t recognize the person in the mirror – who is she and when will she leave? You learn to cope with her but still wish she would disappear or at least stop showing up so much. Eventually she does fade but the fading takes time when you wait for it to happen all alone in the cold. With the warmth and strength of others, you learn how to get her to fade much quicker. She stops standing in between you and your baby, stops yelling at your husband, stops soaking your cheeks or re-organizing the cabinets for the twentieth time today. There is something to that power in numbers thing. It works.

Stigma is a very powerful force in the human world. It’s peer pressure gone horribly wrong. Peer pressure that encourages you to be miserable, silent, and hang your head down low should not accompany any new mother. Instead, the peer pressure should be that it’s ok to talk about your feelings and open up, it’s ok to hold your head high and know that as long as baby is fed, diapered, and has a warm place to sleep, you’re doing the best you can with what you have at the moment. Peer pressure should be the warmth of another person who KNOWS what you’re going through because she’s been there too.

Don’t let the stigma keep you from getting help. Don’t let the fear keep you from getting help.

Getting help is the absolute best thing you can do for YOU and for your family.

Nurturing your Soul

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old fashoned photo frazzled momLet’s face it – parenting is rough. I mean, I’d almost rather play full contact football with the NY Giants on the really hard days. I certainly feel like I have at the end of the day. It’s at the end of those days especially that I force myself to sit back and nurture my soul. I’ve nurtured everyone else’s by then and doggone it, I deserve some lovin’ too.

As moms with PPD, we are in a unique class indeed. We marvel at moms in public who seem so put together, at moms in playgroup who calmly soothe their babies. We wonder what is wrong with us and why we are not like that. We need an entirely different set of skills and yet there is no one nearby to share these skills with us and sadly many of us are left to fend for ourselves as families find more and more distance between what used to be right next door or down the street.

Thankfully PPD is becoming more and more recognized and more information is available to us today than ever before. Slowly the stigma is being removed and women and even lawmakers are talking about PPD and coming up with solutions. In the meantime, all we can do is keep the communication lines open, learning to ask for help as well as accept help when it is offered.

I will start by sharing a few methods I’ve used to get through what I call “High Stress Moments.” You know, the moments when the baby is screaming (and has been for hours), the dogs are barking, the mailman is banging on the door, the phone starts to ring, the dishes need to be done, your toddler is throwing a tantrum in the middle of the floor because Cookie Monster didn’t pick the right letter for the day and all you want to do is for Calgon to take you away. Now. Actually, five minutes ago would have been perfect.

Tip #1: Prioritize. The baby will be just fine in his or her crib if you need a few moments to yourself, even if you just step outside or go to your room and scream or sob into your pillow. Or write it down and then tear it up if you don’t want anyone to read it. This accomplishes two things – gets it off your chest and soothes the frustration with tearing. (You could also keep bubble wrap around!) And the mailman? Well he can just leave a note. The phone? Thank goodness for voice mail. Leave a message with updates about the baby and informing callers that mom and baby are resting. Visitors? A mom I know created a letter stating what visitors would be expected to do if they came by. She had her midwife sign it to make it official. Another mom I know had a list of stuff to be done on the refrigerator and yet another mom kept her bathrobe at the door so that she could appear to have been napping if anyone happened by.

Tip#2: Take time for you. And yes, that even means just grocery trips by yourself. Never before has a grocery trip been such a luxurious indulgence and I usually treat myself to something special and it does not have to be high in calories or fat. (Although chocolate ice cream is a favorite of mine!)

Tip#3: Make time for you & your significant other. Does not have to be sexual, just a coffee or even a nice dinner at home once baby has gone to bed or nap. Go to the following website: www.postpartumstress.com and click on their Family Support Link. They have a Postpartum Pact for you and your partner to complete. This will help your partner better understand how they can help you. They also have cards you can print out and hand out to loved ones.

Tip#4: Try to educate those around you about PPD. If you are unable to do this on your own, recruit your physician to get handouts and maybe even make an appointment for both you and your loved one to talk with your doctor about PPD.

And last but not least, please remember that you are not alone, you are not to blame, and you will be well with help.

Absolutely OUTRAGED

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UGH!

As if it’s not enough that we already face enough during PPD, the stigma, the refusal of acknowledgement, the confusion over baby blues, postpartum depression, other mood disorders, and Postpartum Psychosis – then along comes an article like this one: Woman found insane in Baby Blues Case seeks Sanity Restoration with the subtitle specifying: Sheryl Massip was found not guilty by reason of insanity 20 years ago for killing her infant son while suffering from post-partum psychosis.

Cover your ears. Prepare your eyes. i’m about to yell. And I mean YELL.

THE BABY BLUES ARE NOT AT ALL SIMILAR TO 

POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Get your facts straight Mr. Welborn. (by the way, you can email him and call him (714 834-3784.) Let him know that he is seriously mistaken with his usage of terms.

Let’s revisit the facts, shall we?

According to an article by Helen Jones at the Postpartum Support International website, the baby blues affect up to 80% of new moms and involve crying for no reason or general stress or anxiety that dissipates after the first few weeks.

Within the same article, Jones defines Postpartum Psychosis as:

Postpartum Psychosis (PPP)

The onset is usually sudden, with symptoms including: delusions (strange beliefs) and/or hallucinations; feeling very irritated, hyperactive and unable to sleep; significant mood changes; and using poor judgment in making decisions. Women who are more vulnerable are individuals who have a previous history of psychiatric disorders, previous postpartum mood disorders, or a family history of psychiatric disorders. Women who display any of these symptoms should contact their health care provider immediately. Family members should be alert for these symptoms as well, since they are often able to recognize serious symptoms sooner than the mother does.

 Do these even SOUND like they’re in the same ball park?

NO.

In fact, Baby Blues aren’t even classified as a mental health disorder.

Could referring to PPP as the baby blues scare a brand new mother who may be feeling a little weepy or be starting to become seriously depressed? HECK YEAH.

To make matters worse, Mr. Welborn also later refers to PPP as an extreme form of Postpartum Depression. Let me make one thing crystal clear. POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION IS NOT THE SAME THING AS POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS. It’s an entirely different creature consisting of a break with reality. From what I understand, Postpartum Depression cannot develop into Postpartum Psychosis. (I’m doing some checking into that and will get back with you regarding research on that point)

I am very disappointed in Mr. Welborn’s apparent lack of tact and compassion for new mothers struggling with this range of disorders. And even more disappointed that the newspaper he works for would publish this article without such a brazen irresponsibility and lack of concrete understanding into the condition on which they are reporting. VERY DISAPPOINTED. Did I mention I’m pissed too? Or have you already figured that out?

Those of you who either read this blog regularly or know me should recognize that I don’t do this very often but when I do, I mean it and I am truly, deeply saddnened that this is still happening. Media sensationalism of these cases is a barrier to treatment for women – I’ve had many women share with me that they or their husbands are fearful of admitting they have postpartum mood issues for fear that what happens to the women they read about in the paper may happen to them. UGH! I can’t personally guarantee that you won’t develop PPP but I CAN tell you that it is rare – extremely rare BUT these cases are the ones who make the news. Not the positive cases of recovery – no – the ones that end in sheer tragedy and will bring in viewers.

Email Mr. Welborn. Call him. Contact the OC Register’s Editorial Staff and Operating Management. Let them know we won’t stand for this. Let them know that if they’re going to cover a PPD story they need to get their facts straight and focus on the positive rather than the negative. BE SENSITIVE not only to the people in the story but the people who may be reading the story. They owe us that much.