Tag Archives: Postpartum Voice of the Week

Postpartum Voice of the Week: Katherine Stone

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Katherine Stone’s blog, Postpartum Progress, turned six years old two days ago.

Six years ago this month found me struggling to find help for my first episode of Postpartum OCD. I came across Katherine’s site shortly after she started it as the only sources of help I ended up with were virtual. I found the Online Postpartum Page and the iVillage boards to be helpful as well. But never did I think I would end up a blogger like Katherine. Heck, back then I had no idea what a blog was, to be completely honest. (Oh, how the times have changed!)

I went back and read Katherine’s first post. Her goal? That Postpartum Progress help in some small way.

In her birthday post this past week, she writes:

I have now spent six years with postpartum depression, figuratively speaking.  Six years writing about every aspect I can think of.

And I love it.

Thank you for reading.  I hope it can continue to help women who seek answers and support.

I, for one, cannot WAIT to see what the next six years bring for Katherine.

And Katherine – you have done SO much more than just help in a small way. Your contribution has been tremendous. Because of you, women are bravely voicing their experience with Postpartum Mood Disorders (myself included). Because of you, more and more are aware of Postpartum Mood Disorders. Because of you – there is hope.  Thank you.

Postpartum Voices of the Week: @heirtoBlair & @momgosomething

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This past week saw the best #PPDChat yet (I got tossed in Twitter jail – meaning I tweeted one too many times for Twitter within an allotted amount of time – WOOHOOO!), and now, I’m sitting here trying to decide between two absolutely amazing posts for Postpartum Voice of the Week.

You Mamas are rockin’ it this week. What’s in your Kool Aid???

I made up my mind – I’m not deciding.

This week there will be two Postpartum Voices of the Week.

Both of these wonderful posts offer up insight into what it’s like once the fog of Postpartum lifts. I think it’s important to discuss and share the depths of hell to which Postpartum Mood Disorders can drag you. But it is also very important to shine the light on the hope and happiness which awaits you on the other side of a Postpartum Mood Disorder.

First up, Blair over at Heir to Blair, writes a sweet poignant letter to PPD. She is oh so polite firm and kindly tells PPD to leave shove itself down a deep dark hole.

I hate you for what you did to me.  I hate that there was no rhyme or reason & at times, I still scream WHY ME?! when I think of how it could have been like this from the beginning had you not come knocking.  But I also know that without those horrible, bleak, terrible days, I would not realize HOW DAMN GOOD I have it right now.  I feel like I am seeing my son for the first time.  Like I am seeing myself as a mother for the first time.  & you know what?  I am a good mother.  & my son is amazing.  I finally understand that love that parents gush about, that desire to wake up in the morning & see a toothless grin over the railings of the crib.  To not only wish for that moment, but to desire it down to my core until it is the last thing I think about as I fall asleep – I can’t wait to wake up to him tomorrow. (via Blair @ Heir to Blair)

Then, Kimberly over at All Work & No Play make Mommy go Something Something broke out with a post entitled “The Bucket.” It’s so very poignant and offers such an amazing insight. Kimberly has been struggling lately through a severe relapse and through her 2-year-old, came face to face with a serious lesson about moving forward with life. Katherine Stone over at Postpartum Progress blogged about this post as well. Get the kleenex. It’s at least a Quadruple Tissue post, sniffles included.

On the last try, he made it all the way to the edge of the flower bed only making a few spills. As he excitedly dumped the water over my flowers and observed the pay off that his hard work had accomplished, he started to smile. He looked over at the pool and realized how far he had come with the bucket of water. Then he shouted “Yook Momma! Flowers wet!” When I smiled in approval and praised him for his determination, he threw the bucket and carried on with playing in the pool. That little man, a whole 23 months old, had taught me something very valuable in that moment. (via Kimberly @ Make Mommy Go Something Something)

Thanks ladies for such awesome posts. Keep the words flowing, keep the healing going, and keep on hanging on to the bright moments. They are amazing and get even better as you continue moving forward toward your flowers and full buckets.

Postpartum Voice of the Week: @litanyofbritt’s “When there is No Light”

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This past week, at the tail end of #PPDChat, @litanyofbritt tweeted a link to a post at her blog, “When There is No Light.” In this post, Brittainy first details her daughter’s birth story and her subsequent fall into the dark hole of Postpartum Depression.

Her post struck a chord with me because we both were separated from our children. She writes it beautifully:

I spent the next two days alone. A special kind of alone, where a mother is in one place, and her baby is hours away. Her dad went to Boston to sit by her side, and I stayed back, and wept until my face swelled like a balloon, and I mourned the loss of the experience I had not just hoped for, but expected. My mother came to sit with me for awhile, and brought me lunch, but I had no other visitors. It seems people don’t quite know how to visit a new mother, when there is no new baby. My first lingering moments of motherhood, the first few days of my daughter’s life, were the most heinous, and lonely days of mine.

I too, felt that horrible sense of isolation. No one knew what to do with me. My baby was alive. She was breathing. But she was not with me. I had barely known her out of the womb for 24 hours before she left me to go on her first road trip. This was NOT how things were supposed to work out. Give birth, nurse, go home. That was the plan. This detour through the NICU had not been planned!

Brittainy goes on to share her experience after giving birth to her son. It’s an amazing read. Please go read it.

I will warn you that some sections are graphic and may be triggering for some of you. Please refrain from reading it if you are in a fragile place.

Thank you, Brittainy, for sharing your story and lighting the path for other mamas out there who may find hope in your Postpartum Voice.

Postpartum Voice of the Week: The Outdoor Wife speaks up about Postpartum Depression

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There has been some recent chatter between bloggers about Postpartum Depression. The focus? Whether or not some Mommy bloggers really do have a Postpartum Mood Disorder or if they were clambering onto the newest “trendy” wagon. (This should explain my post, “Are PMD’s the new Jimmy Chu’s?”) A few other bloggers have also chimed in on this topic. Of all the responses I read, the one by The Outdoor Wife struck a chord with me, which is why I have chosen her as this week’s Postpartum Voice.

The Outdoor Wife does not usually blog about Postpartum Depression. In fact, when she was struggling, she barely told anyone about the battle she fought. Her response is absolutely amazing and worth the read. Not only does she describe her experience but she includes tips on what you can do to help someone going through Postpartum Depression. Thank you, for chiming in on such an important subject!

Here’s a snippet of her post. You can continue reading by going here.

Now, I’ll offer what I know to be true in my own personal experience:

One of, if not the most overwhelming, feeling that comes with PPD is guilt. It’s perpetuated by the lack of sleep, irritability, loss of interest in favorite activities, detachment from the child, feelings of hopelessness and just general sadness. In my own experience, I wasn’t over-the-moon happy when Rowan was first born. In my mind, I believed I should have been… so the guilt crept in. Before I knew it, it had me completely incapacitated with irrational feelings of worthlessness. This led to suicidal thoughts and I danced a razor-thin edge of acting on those thoughts.

The key (in my experience) to understanding PPD as opposed to dissatisfaction with motherhood, or even just the baby blues, is the word “irrational.” I knew that something much more serious was happening when I was having irrational thoughts of killing myself, believing that my son and husband would be better off without me around. Now, as a person who has never struggled with depression or mental health issues of any kind, this was indeed an irrational thought process for someone like me… leading to an accurate diagnosis of postpartum depression.

Another thing that’s crucial to understand about postpartum depression is that for many women, it feels like we’re being attacked at random moments. It is not abnormal for a woman suffering from PPD to tell you what a great afternoon she had with her child, then literally 10 minutes later, be crying uncontrollably in a heaping mess on the floor, wracked with guilt, sadness, or even uncontrollable rage. PPD for many is not a 24/7 feeling. So, to translate this into the blogging world, that means that when one post is a glowing picture of their child and how much they love them and the next is how they have feelings of inflicting harm on aforementioned child, THAT is PPD, my friends. It’s not trying to cover it up. It’s not pretending that everything’s okay. Sometimes, there are okay moments! But the not-okay moments are crippling at best. And its in those hard, broken moments that the small victories are passed off as insignificant. Are you beginning to see the battle that’s being fought here? There is no rhyme or reason to postpartum depression, it seems. It strikes at will and sometimes, it’s all we can do to keep standing when it does.

The next thing I want to talk about is coping and healing. This is where everyone has an opinion and everyone is always happy to give it freely. Every woman copes with postpartum depression differently. For me, I played my cards pretty close to the chest. I can count on almost one hand how many people knew about my struggle. We didn’t even tell our immediate family! It’s not because I was ashamed, or that we didn’t trust them with the knowledge, but simply because it’s what I needed, personally. I knew that I needed a small community of people around me, who could come be WITH me in the flesh. I knew that answering questions about my depression on the phone every time I talked to my family would be too much. I knew that writing about it for the world to see was not something that would benefit me or my healing process. My goal was to separate myself from the depression, to see it as “other” or outside of myself. Something that I could look at objectively in the good moments and put plans into place for the bad moments. If I was asked about it every five minutes, I wouldn’t have been able to do that.