Category Archives: The MOTHERS Act

Sharing the Journey with ME!

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Here’s a twist on the typical Thursday Interview fare around here.

I asked my husband to email me 10 questions. He sent 11. I figured it was only fair to allow him to interview me being that he was kind enough to do the same.

Enjoy getting to know me even better!

Tell me about the first time that you thought you might be suffering from PPD. How did you cope with it?

We were living in South Carolina and miles away from any family or support when our first daughter was born. Just a few months prior to her birth I discovered the online community at iVillage.com and became quite active there as I did not have any friends or family nearby and was practically bedridden due to severe pelvic misalignment issues. Allison’s birth was quite the traumatic experience (the doctor is very lucky I had a moment of sanity and decided NOT to kick him) and no one really seemed to offer any help after she was born. It was kind of an in and out experience, which, unfortunately, is the norm nowadays.

Once we got her home, the first thing that happened was an employee of yours stopping by the house with her son who was sick and sneezing. He proceeded to touch all of the baby stuff and I totally freaked out. At the time I did not see this as the beginning but the level of anxiety I felt that day took a very long time to dissipate. I really started to sink lower when you went back to work and remember standing over Alli’s crib and apologizing to her because I had no idea what to say to her. I thought she was judging me for not knowing how to be a good mommy. I was also very upset with myself because motherhood was what I wanted – even more than being a wife – I grew up wanting to be a mommy more than anything and here I was, finally a mom, and felt I was failing.

I realized it might be PPD through the online community at iVillage and reading things other women had posted. At three months postpartum and after some serious soul searching, I finally made an appointment with my OB. I was tired of the intrusive thoughts, the anxiety, the anger, I was tired of not being myself. So I went online, took a screening test and scored severely depressed having answered the questions about self-harm and harming my infant with a yes. I took this to my OB and he refused to acknowledge the possibility of PPD but did admit something was going on – PPD, no – because I was more than 6 weeks PP and my “hormones should be back to normal by now” Calm down now – it gets worse. Alli was screaming to be nursed as we discussed things (crying is my WORST trigger) and my OB brazenly asked how important it was to continue breastfeeding. What he said next shocked me. He refused to medicate me because I refused to quit nursing. His precise words were that I refused to stop nursing for trial therapy. I have my medical records to prove it. Because I was clean, had applied make-up, and was well-spoken, I couldn’t be depressed. Because I didn’t “look” the part, that couldn’t be what was wrong with me. He admitted something was going on but refused to admit that it was PPD. I was referred to the in-house counselor but they kept changing my appointment which made things worse so I refused to go and canceled my appointment.

Just two months later we moved back to Georgia and things started to improve because we were able to leave Alli with your parents and I started to get some time to myself. I thought I was recovered but sadly we discovered after I gave birth to Charlotte that I had not and things were worse than ever.

After giving birth to three children, how did your pregnancies differ in relation to your PPD experiences?

My first pregnancy was the easiest but I think all Moms say that – after all, you don’t have other little ones to chase around or keep up with. My first round of PPD was also mild compared to the second time around.

The second pregnancy was a bit easier physically because I knew what to expect but harder in the aspect that I had a toddler to run around after which is the last thing you feel like doing when your stomach is revolting against well, the world. The postpartum period after Charlotte’s birth was the most intense – her cleft palate, my depression and subsequent hospitalization, her multiple surgeries, Alli’s terrible two’s, your stressful and exhaustive job, pumping full time for Charlotte… you name it, there wasn’t a roadblock we didn’t face. But we made it through, clutching the bar holding us down into the roller coaster until our knuckles were transparent.

Honestly, how supportive was I when you were going through such a terrible time? What do you wish I had done differently?

Wow. Hard question. I think you were as supportive as you could be given the existential circumstances of each situation (no support system, birth defect & NICU, unexpected pregnancy), the information available to you at the time, and the irritability that you were constantly ducking from me. I am sure you probably felt as if you were walking on eggshells most of the time, not knowing if the next word out of your mouth would set off an “episode.”

Knowing what we now know as a couple about PPD, obviously there are some things we would have done differently like gone for a second opinion, pushed for better treatment, worked together instead of drifting apart into our own worlds which I think led to the path on which we found ourselves after Charlotte’s birth. I wasn’t able to be there for you and you felt as you couldn’t show any emotion when all I wanted was for you to show something – to let know that I wasn’t alone in feeling so lost about her cleft palate and the NICU stay. Of course I didn’t say this to you – I expected you to read my mind and got pissed when you didn’t. That’s just not fair at all (and is hallmark behavior of a postpartum woman)

Overall, you did a great job keeping us together as a family even if it meant putting on a show for me and for everyone else. As for having done something differently, hindsight is 20/20 and there’s nothing we can do to change our past behavior. I believe strongly that our marriage can now withstand anything anyone wishes to toss our way. We’ve certainly been through quite a bit in six short years.

You have certainly turned some very tragic events into ammunition to help other women fight PPD? How have your PPD experiences helped you help others?

I have found my inner strength, beauty, and grace as a result of the darkness of PPD. The same strength with which I battled my own PPD energizes me each and everyday to help other women who are in the same place I used to be. I will NOT let another woman suffer alone if there is anything I can do to change that for her. Each day I wake up with the goal of helping at least one woman. Small contribution but it goes back to a quote I fell in love with while in college by Ghandi: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

What role has your faith and belief in God played in your battles with PPD?

Raised Christian and having given my heart to the Lord at the tender age of 6, I had fallen away from the Lord and had really not been close with him for quite some time when Alli was born. I started to pray more and continued with this throughout my pregnancy with Charlotte. After Charlotte’s birth, I could feel His presence and let myself lean on Him although not as much as I should have, looking back. God knew he wasn’t done with me yet so He sent us Cameron to show me how much of a miracle He was capable of making. And He made a cute one!

When I first started helping others with PPD, I was uncomfortable talking about faith and God. Now it’s one of the easiest things to talk about. God has truly taken me into his Arms and blessed me. And I figure – if Jesus died for our sins, what a small price PPD is compared to His sacrifice. It’s taken me nearly four years of intense growth and molding to come to that conclusion and is not something I have come to believe lightly. My faith is stronger than ever and is still growing.

On the other side of the coin, have your PPD experiences affected your faith? How?

My PPD experiences have certainly brought me closer to God. I have come to realize that He has big plans for me and I have learned to quietly listen to his voice and truly lean on Him during times of need. In fact, if I start to worry now, I instantly pray rather than let it spiral out of control. I can’t even begin to express how grateful I am for all the growth He has allowed in my life over the past few years!

Life can be busy. Ours certainly is. You are a mother of three, homemaker, PPD advocate and wife. It almost seems impossible what you do. So I have to know, how do you do it?

I have no idea. If you figure it out, let me know.

Seriously though – I grew up watching (and helping) my mother around the house. She was a Stay at home mom too and I picked up a lot of tips from her too. I still call every day (HI MOM) well, almost every day as I’m much busier now and she gives me lots and lots of tips.

A lot of the PPD work I do is online so I can do bits and pieces here and there. I’ve also got the housework down to a science and can have that going while I’m working on PPD stuff in the living room.

One rule I’m working on is that when the girls are awake, I am all theirs unless I have to cook or clean. Even then I try to get them involved so they don’t feel left out or get them playing with play-doh at the dining room table so they’ll at least be having fun. I love my times with the girls as it’s what keeps me sane – well, along with time with you too!

What do you find most challenging about motherhood?

It never ends. My mom has a cartoon on her fridge at her house that I would LOVE to have – a census worker is at the door and a woman is standing there. She is saying, “Work? I just wake up and there it is.” I am never off – I am on call 24/7. Just today I was mother, nurse, friend, poopy cleaner, fan fixer, chef, linguist, wife, writer, brain-stormer, dishwasher, laundry lady, pie maker, dog walker, hand-holder, singer, and most importantly, ME.

What is your favorite thing about motherhood?

Bedtime.

Seriously though – I would have to go with getting the kids to laugh and have a good time. There is NOTHING more heartwarming and uplifting than allowing myself to be a total kid right along with them. I know this is not something you’ve seen terribly often but I’m working on it. At least I’m singing more in front of you more, right?

And last, but not least. What is it like being married to such a hunk and amazing man?

I’ll let you know when that happens. 😉

It’s like the way the Earth smells right after an afternoon rain shower. No matter how many times you experience it, it’s always new, refreshing, and uplifting even though the storm that brought you there may have been the most difficult storm you’ve ever experienced.

The MOTHER’S Act

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The Mother’s Act is poised for mark-up in the Senate’s HELP committee, chaired by Sen. Edward Kennedy. Below is a summary of the bill. Click here to read the full text.

I plan on contacting all members of the HELP committee to voice my support for this bill and urge you to do the same. There’s a link at the top of the committee’s page to contact them or you can contact them individually.

Let your voice be heard – every one matters!

 And here’s a petition you can sign as well: http://www.capwiz.com/ndmda/issues/alert/?alertid=11246546

SUMMARY AS OF:
5/11/2007–Introduced.

 

Mom’s Opportunity to Access Health, Education, Research, and Support for Postpartum Depression Act or the MOTHERS Act – Amends the Public Health Service Act to require the Secretary of Health and Human Services to award grants to: (1) states to provide to women who have recently given birth and their families, before such women leave their birthing centers, education concerning postpartum depression, postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, and postpartum psychosis and to screen new mothers for such postpartum conditions during their first year of postnatal checkup visits; and (2) public or nonprofit private entities to provide for the delivery of essential services to individuals with such postpartum conditions and their families.

Requires the Secretary, acting through the Director of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the Administrator of the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, and the heads of other federal agencies that administer federal health programs, to organize a series of national meetings that are designed to develop a research plan for postpartum depression and psychosis.

Requires the Secretary, acting through the Director, to expand and intensify research relating to postpartum conditions to carry out such plan.

Petition in Support of the MOTHER’S Act

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Yes, we had a blog day.

Yes, we’ve called our Senators, written them, and speak out daily about the NEED for improved care for women just like us.

BUT… we’re not being heard. Instead, the voices of those who would argue that the MOTHER’S Act will force new mothers to take medication and submit to screening are the ones being heard. The MOTHER’S Act will not force medication on anyone – what it will do is provide the opportunity for every mother to have access to treatment for a PMD if she has one. The method of treatment is up to the mother and her physician (and frankly, if my physician wasn’t on the same page as I was or at least willing to back up his reasoning with some pretty strong fact, I’d find another physician!) and drugs may not be the best route for every mother – but EVERY MOTHER WHO SUFFERS DESERVES ACCESS TO TREATMENT.

Please sign the petition from the Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance in support of the MOTHER’S Act.

It’s urgent that your voice be heard NOW.

MOTHER’S Act Rumors – Breaking the Silence

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I consider this post to possibly be one of the most emotionally charged and important posts that I have written to date. Katherine Stone recently addressed this issue and having received a comment here at Unexpected Blessing, I am following suit.

On February 11, 2008, I received notification of a comment in response to one of my MOTHER’S Act posts. This comment blatantly challenged and negated the necessity for the bill and raised an alarmist point of view by claiming that new mothers would become trapped by the system and forced to take anti-depressants, masking the “root” of the problem. This comment also claimed that there is no “valid or concrete evidence proving the existence of such a disorder…” going on to point out that the disorders in the DSM-IV are “voted on….” (see: http://www.acnp.org/g4/GN401000082/CH081.html)

Infuriated with this comment and feeling first hand the ignorance of the individual that wrote this, I remained silent until I could calmly and rationally respond.

First, let me assure you, I have LIVED the valid and concrete evidence that proves the existence of this very disorder. It has disrupted my life, it has disrupted my family’s life, and it has changed me as a person. Through this challenge, I have found my way out of the rabbit hole and I have found many others who have also found their way out or are currently working their way out.

I have also suffered without treatment – because my first doctor decided that I didn’t fit the criteria for PPD – and was refused treatment based on this and the fact that I refused to stop nursing – something I was asked to do WHILE MY INFANT WAS SCREAMING TO BE NURSED! I knew from research and contact with others that I could be treated with medication. I also know now that I needed medication – because I tried to recover on my own but was unable to so, resulting in Progressive Postpartum Depression that continued into my second pregnancy, leading to early delivery and ultimately to my hospitalization when I was unable to do anything but curl up in the fetal position and rock back and forth, staring out my window, praying that I wouldn’t do anything to my children.

I believe in this bill because I have lived through the very depths of the condition it is fighting to uncover and remove the stigma of so that the next mother who suffers will not have to suffer in silence, will not have to go to her doctor and be rejected and told to “suck it up” and that this is a normal part of motherhood, something that she should get over, something that shouldn’t be happening because she is more than 6wks postpartum and therefore all her hormones should be back to normal by now. Clearly if a woman is seeking treatment (which by the way, is the HARDEST step), she has a reason to do so. And anti-depressants are not always the answer – there are plenty of other therapies that can be explored and may work for certain individuals.

The point is that mothers should feel as if they can work with their physicians as part of a team and not be disregarded nor dismissed when they finally push the tears and anxiety far enough away to make that plea for help. And let’s not forget that these are innocent victims – the mothers, the infants, the fathers, the families that are plagued by this tragic disease every day. It turned our world completely upside down and does even more to other families. I know I was lucky – I got help, I encountered physicians who were open to my plight and willing to lend a hand to help me climb out of my dystopia, encouraging me to turn and fight, making me believe that I could beat this. And I did beat it. I refuse to let anyone fight this alone as a result. If my story saves just one life, it will all have been worth it. I will fight for women and families to have access to fair and non-judgemental care until the day I die.

Ultimately I am pleading the case FOR the MOTHER’S Act. But I will tell you what I tell any woman in the midst of a postpartum crisis I come in contact with. Educate yourself. Get the facts, get them straight, verify them, and then speak. This is a free country and everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but everyone should also be entitled to fair and just healthcare and not be afraid to make that phone call for fear of being dismissed or shrugged off. Postpartum Depression IS real. I have been there. I know a LOT of other women who have been there – it has been with us for thousands of years and yet we still live with the stigma. It is only with openness and research that acceptance and fair treatment will come. Please don’t deny new mothers the access to proper care that they deserve and so desperately need. So many times I have heard of doctors passing on bad advice or being dismissive, even in my hometown I have heard stories of women being told “Well if you’re not suicidal or thinking about hurting your baby, you’re fine” Excuse me??? So you want me to call you back AFTER I’ve done something. NO!!!! Preventive care is the best care – any cardiologist or oncologist would tell you that if this were heart disease or cancer we were discussing. But it’s not. It’s a mental illness. A DISEASE of the mind that these new moms did NOT ask for and want to be free from so they can enjoy their new babies and roles as mothers. Trust me, if we could free ourselves from these bonds on our own, we would.

So go forth, educate yourselves, read the text of the MOTHER’S Act, contact your Senator, ask questions, contact Senator Menendez. Contact PSI (who, by the way is NOT funded in any way shape or form by the pharmaceutical industry!), contact your local mental health advocacy group. But please, before you buy into what these naysayers have to cry from their mountaintops, check out the facts for yourself.

So.. the Democratic Debate

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Honestly? I wasn’t really impressed by any of the candidates last night. It was the first debate I watched and while Hillary seemed pretty zealous, her performance didn’t make me want to change my mind about who I’m going to vote for, provided he gets the nomination. (but hey, at least Hillary managed to actually LOOK happy for once) I also liked the set up of the debate. It was very casual, laid back, and provided there weren’t any “planted” questions, I even liked the Q&A session during the second hour.

I’m coming out as a Barack Obama Supporter. I like him because he’s a breath of fresh air. He doesn’t seem to be making empty promises that he can’t keep – unlike most candidates. I also like his fundraising methods. He strikes me as realistic and trustworthy which is something we desperately need in this country after Bush’s atrocious terms. And my support of Obama was strong even BEFORE he signed on as a co-sponsor of The MOTHER’S Act (of course that action did strengthen my support for him as a candidate!)

Sorry I didn’t get around to blogging this last night when it would have been more apropros but my ISP has been horrible lately and I’ve about had it with them. Hopefully we can get that situation fixed here pretty shortly. It’s annoying to have internet service for ten minutes, get into the middle of something and then WHAM! no service. UGH!