Category Archives: strong woman

Have to share this…

I know that I’ve mentioned our second daughter was born with a cleft palate and spent some time in the NICU. While she is now free of most artificial attachments (she still has tubes in her ears), every day is a new day with her – she will be 18 months old this month and is still not speaking. Babbling, yes, but not talking. I also still have to feed her because if we let her feed herself, she will eat entirely too much and gag/choke. I also have to balance the fine line between too much food and not enough food. She is a bottomless pit, something I attribute to her being primarily tube fed for the first six months of her life. And this is beyond the normal baby care. Alot of mothers do more, and a lot do less. But for me, it’s my new normal. I check her mouth whenever she is teething to make sure there’s not one popping through the roof of her mouth.

All that being said, I still belong to an email group for parents of children with PRS (Pierre Robin Sequence/syndrome). Today, one of the moms sent a precious email. I will warn you – it made me cry. And I am not a crier. This one really hit home with me and I needed to read it. I LOVE how things like this that you need to read pop up right when you need them to!

So this is for mothers of handicapped/special needs kids – Know that you are amazing.

Some women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressure and a couple by habit.This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger. “Armstrong, Beth, son… Patron Saint, Matthew” “Forrest, Marjorie, daughter… Patron Saint, Cecillia” “Rudledge, Karen, Twins… Patron Saint… give her Gerard, he is used to profanity.”

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, “Give her a handicapped child.” The angel is curious, “Why this one, God? She is so happy.” “Exactly,” smiled God. “Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.” “But has she got patience?” asked the angel. “I don’t want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she’ll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother.

You see, the child I am going to give her has his own world. She has to make the child live in her world and that is not going to be easy.” “But Lord, I don’t think she even believes in You.” God smiled, “No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.” The angel gasped, “Selfishness? Is that a virtue?” God nods. “If she can’t seperate herself from the child ocassionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a “spoken word.” She will never consider a “step” ordinary. When her child says “Momma,” for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or sunset to a blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creation. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see… ignorance, cruelty, prejudice… and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing My work as surely as if she were here by My side.” “And what about her Patron Saint?” asked the angel, his pen poised in mid air. God smiles, “A mirror will suffice.”

Craving Smells??

I am craving a smell. The way my grandmother’s house smelled when she would make her homemade manicotti. I don’t have the recipe… she passed away before I even started high school, long before cooking became a passion of mine. I wish I had the recipe. I wish she were still here… To this day though, I make my manicotti like hers – fresh, homemade crepes instead of pasta, well, that’s about it. I remember that much. The filling is usually fresh homemade ricotta (yes, I know how to do that, it’s really not that hard), and I make a lovely homemade roasted red pepper marinara to go with it. If I’m feeling absolutely ambitious, I make fresh lasagna noodles too. I’d like to learn how to make homemade mozzarrella but I haven’t had the chance (or the guts) to do that yet. I have a feeling that I will be making lasagna this week – don’t have the energy (or back strength) to do manicotti. I could live off Italian food – for life. Give me some pasta, some marinara, and some decent parm and I’d be in heaven. Yeah, I know there’s other italian food out there, it’s not all pasta – but me, I’m in love with pasta. Which is why I would fail oh so miserably on a low-carb diet. My pasta usually goes with french bread and full on full fat butter. (hey, at least we KNOW what’s in butter, right?) YUM!

Yeah, I foresee a trip to the grocery store this evening… and tomorrow is NOT going to be a labor free day. I’ll be stinking the house up with delicious italian aromas!

Dear God, make the excrutiating pain go away! (please?)

PT yesterday went pretty well. Had a new therapist, didn’t much like her at first but I got her to warm up. She had me do some new exercises and I didn’t get to rest as much in the deep end though. :-( I did fine yesterday… today has been a whole ‘nother story though.

At 420a this morning, I woke up and had to go to the bathroom. I attempted to roll over… and I winced. Loudly. It took me 10 minutes to get out of bed and one of the options I contemplated was just going right there – yes, it hurt that badly. I finally crossed my ankles, squeezed my thighs together, pulled my body pillow out, and rolled over onto my back. I managed to roll over to my right side and sit up, wincing and crying the whole way. My first step almost caused me to fall – the pain was even more intense once I tried to bear weight. I held onto the bed almost the whole way out of the room (we have a small room). Once out, it took me another five minutes to get to the bathroom. I didn’t return until about 10 minutes later – process & travel time included. Once I managed to get back into bed (which was a LOT easier than getting out, and I laid on my right side this time so I wouldn’t have to roll over to get out, just sit up), it took me nearly 30 minutes to fall asleep. I didn’t take any tylenol because in my past experience, tylenol doesn’t help.

I’ll be purchasing a wedge pillow here pretty shortly so I can sleep on my back – and I need to get a maternity support belt as well but at this point we can only afford one or the other and being that I tend to go out of alignment during sleep, it’s more important to me that I address that issue first. Chris stayed home today to help with the girls – he was getting ready to go to work when I woke up and I burst into tears when I realized he was going to work – there was just no way I was going to be able to handle the girls on my own with the amount of pain I was experiencing. We really can’t afford for him to take a day off and I certainly wouldn’t have asked unless it was absolutely necessary.

I did end up partially popping back into place – only to take a nap and completely undo the progress I had made. UGH! Alli has been adorable about the whole thing – she keeps asking if my pelvis is owwy. Makes me smile at least – even if I am gritting my teeth behind my grin.

The Invisible Woman

My mom emailed me the following story and I feel compelled to share it as it is quite meaningful:

Perspective: The Invisible Woman

It started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school.  I was holding his hand, and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, “Who is that with you, young fella?”

“Nobody,” he shrugged.

Nobody?  The crossing guard and I laughed.  My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, “Oh my goodness, nobody?”

I would walk into a room and no one would notice.  I would say something to my family—like “Turn the TV down, please” – and nothing would happen.  Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote.  I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, “Would someone turn the TV down?”  Nothing.

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party.  We’d been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave.  I noticed he was talking to a friend from work.  So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, “I’m ready to go when you are.”  He just kept right on talking.

I’m invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.  Inside I’m thinking, “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?”  Obviously not.  No one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I’m invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more:  Can you fix this? Can you tie this?  Can you open this?

Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being.  I’m a clock to ask, “What time is it?”  I’m a satellite guide to answer, “What number is the Disney Channel?”  I’m a car to order, “Right around 5:30, please.”

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude—but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She’s going¸ she’s going¸ she’s gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England.  Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.  I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.  It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean.  My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it.  I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, “I brought you this.”

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.  I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription:  “To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.”

In the days ahead I would read—no, devour—the book.  And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

·         No one can say who built the great cathedrals—we have no record of their names.

·         These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

·         They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

·         The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam.  He was puzzled and asked the man, “Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof?  No one will ever see it.”

And the workman replied, “Because God sees.”

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.  It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, “I see you, Charlotte.  I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.  No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.”

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction.  But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.  It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness.  It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder.  As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.  The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, “My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.” That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself.  I just
want him to want to come home.  And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, “You’re gonna love it there.”

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals.  We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right.  And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.