Category Archives: strong woman

Happy Early Thanksgiving!

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I will not be online tomorrow so I am posting my Thanksgiving wishes now. This past week I have been talking with Alli about the pending holiday. I asked her what she was thankful for and her immediate response was “Splashing in Puddles!” Shoulda known. The girl LOVES rain. Wish we had gotten more of it the past year.

I have a lot to be thankful for this time of year.

My husband

a roof over my head

two precious happy and healthy little girls

a healthy baby boy on the way

overcoming PP OCD

God’s blessing upon my work with other women suffering from PPD

I think that sums it all up. I am also amazed that in just 8 short months of starting this blog, I’ve had nearly 6500 visitors. When I started in no way had I ever imagined I would have that many people read my story. But yet here we are and bits and pieces of my life have been read by nearly 6500 people. This blog has played a huge role in my positive view of this pregnancy. If I had done this without blogging, there is no telling where I would be mentally. It has helped to keep me focused on the positives instead of the negatives yet has also forced me to admit when I am not doing so well and examine the reasoning behind that as well. And for that, I am also thankful.

Enjoy the day tomorrow – eat, drink, be merry. But do not forget to give thanks – even if it is for the simplest thing – like splashing in puddles.

I hereby dub thee Day of the Hundred Tantrums

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Today has already proven to be full of challenges. I am anxiously awaiting quiet time when I can get light some incense and fix myself a cup of hot tea!

Charlotte is down for a nap – she was up late last night as we went over to the in-law’s for Halloween. I tried to let her play but she kept throwing tantrum after tantrum. This momma doesn’t DO fussy so off to bed she went, where she is now quietly resting.

Our older daughter, Alli, also was full of tantrums this morning. So much so that she just spent about 30 minutes in her room. She is now in the floor playing independently with the arts and crafts stuff.

And the kicker is that I am out of meds. My husband and I are taking the same medication and due to a screw up at his doctor’s office, we’ve been sharing. However, I just got off the phone with our pharmacy and my meds were refilled yesterday so I’ll be able to take it this evening. On the up side, my Omega 3-6-9 showed up yesterday so I’m on that already as well. *deep breath*

I’ve got a teleconference call later too – at 1p so the girls will be eating lunch around 1130a to guarantee that I am able to get everything I need to get done by the time the call starts.

As long as I can remember to breathe deeply today, I should be ok.

Dear Katie,

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 You are not alone. You are not to blame. And you will be well with help. There are so many women across the nation and across the world who have been where you are – suffering alone, scared, anxiety ridden and filled with guilt that they are not being the “best” or “most perfect” mother that they can be. Motherhood isn’t easy for everyone. Even the moms who make it look easy have a hard time. But the good news is that it does get easier and it does get better. Some of us have to take it hour by hour or even minute by minute in the beginning. And some of us need more help than others to get through the early steps of motherhood. Through peer support and solid medical support we make it through. We survive the sheer desperation and panic of postpartum disorders and we make it through. And you know what? It makes us stronger. It makes us even more grateful for what we have, for every smile we witness, for every hug we receive. Because we remember when we couldn’t enjoy those times. I know you’re scared and frightened – there are people who can help you and want to help you on your journey to recovery.

When I suffered from Postpartum OCD, I couldn’t enjoy my children. I didn’t want to laugh or smile. I wanted them to go away and I would get angry with them for the smallest thing. Several times I thought about running away. But where to? And if I left, would I really solve my problems? At the time I thought I would. And then I came crashing down – and landed in the hospital for treatment. I slept the whole weekend and my medication was changed. I also started to reach out for peer support which helped me immensely. Through contact with women in the local birthing network, Jane Honikman, and starting talk therapy, I slowly started to dig my way out of the deep dark hole I had fallen into. And I eventually got to the top. I won’t lie – it was hard work. And by no stretch of the imagination am I who I used to be. I have changed. For the better I think. But I had others to help me and to rely on. And now I pay it forward by helping other women.

I want you to know that you have been in my prayers since I first heard of your disappearance. I have been praying for you and your precious family. I pray that you are safe and alive. I pray that you will return to your two precious boys and your loving husband soon. I know they miss you terribly. Katie, if there’s a chance you are reading this, know that there are a lot of caring and concerned people praying for your safe return home. Know that we do not blame you and we all want to help you in any way that we can. You can do this – you are NOT alone!

Warmest,

Lauren

Putting on the Brakes Part II

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I found a sample of a prenatal vitamin yesterday that has Omega 3’s  built in so I took it last night. I have felt much calmer today and Alli’s behaviour has much improved as well. Not sure if that’s a huge coincidence or not.

I did call my OB’s office but they never returned (to be fair, I wasn’t able to call until late this afternoon). I will try to call them again tomorrow. As far as I know it’s ok to take Omega 3.6.9 during pregnancy but I still like to check with my physician’s office.

I plan on taking the rest of the prenatal samples in the meantime – until I get a response from my doctor’s office. I have therapy in the morning as well so I will certainly be discussing all of this with my therapist.

And yes, I am also using my online support network right now too. I think having a rest plan in place for this weekend is reassuring for me too. I am SO looking forward to sleeping in on Sunday. I talked to Alli about that today – she hates surprises where someone is going to be gone so we talk to her about them ahead of time. I told her that if she was good, daddy would give her a surprise from me on Saturday night at bedtime. She liked that idea until she decided she wanted two surprises and I told her there was only going to be one – enter thrown fit number one. I think she’s sleepy – her behaviour tends to be worse in the evening if it’s going to be bad.

The In-laws may be coming to pick her up tomorrow afternoon so we’ll see if that has any effect on her or if it was merely a coincidence that she suddenly started misbehaving after the last time they got her. I’m hoping for the coincidence.

It’s been awhile

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I was doing so well there for a bit – posting almost every day. Then Life got in the way.

On Friday, September 21, I found out that I had failed my one hour Glucose test. UGH. Went ahead and scheduled my 3 hour test for Monday the 24th just to get it all over with. After my three hour test, I didn’t feel so hot. I drank three instant breakfasts and ate two bananas before I stopped sweating and shaking. Barely made it through lunch with the girls and then I sacked out for the rest of the afternoon. I laid down on the couch at noon and didn’t wake up until four or so.

Wednesday the 26th was my birthday. On the 27th, we found out that a friend of ours had tragically lost his wife to a drowning accident. I was not doing well at all that evening and have been in a funk this entire week. Her viewing was Monday evening. I went and was prepared to go in, even if it was open casket (I’ve never ever been to an open casket anything). But then I picked up the “In remembrance of” pamphlet only to discover that she had died on my birthday. Well that just hit me like a ton of bricks and I let my husband go in by himself while I waited outside. We had discussed that I hadn’t really made up my mind yet about going in to see her.

I’ve been wanting to call my therapist all week and have been of course doing a LOT of praying. I have therapy tomorrow and can’t wait to go.

Alli’s been up and down this week too with her behaviour – I think she’s feeding off my negative energy and that’s made for a pretty difficult week. Charlotte’s teething too and for added fun she threw up the day before yesterday. Quite the busy week around here.

Chris surprised me last night with a bottle of my favourite chocolate milk in the world. It’s from a quaint dairy named Homestead Creamery in Burnt Chimney, VA, which is near where my family lives. Funny thing is I have YET to visit the Creamery whenever I do make it home but I just LOVE their products. Gotta love the “global” economy.

He also surprised me by getting dinner from a new pizza place nearby called Fox’s Pizza Den. There was one of these in the town I went to college in and I haven’t had their food since college (so it’s been about 7 yrs). He got me their garlic parm wings and half of a pizzaroni sub. YUM! :-) And yes, there has been chocolate ice cream and whipped cream in the house since last thursday. I think that’s a depression food requirement for me. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be eating to be happy but hey, I can work it off later. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, right? 😉

And about my pelvic pain – PT is over so of course I hurt again. My brother graciously bought me a support belt for my birthday so I am anxiously awaiting it’s arrival. In the meantime, I am so sore that I was SUPPOSED to go to the grocery store this morning but being that I can barely walk, that’s out of the question. I go to bed every night hoping that tonight will be the night. Not so far… still waiting. So of course that’s frustrating. What’s really frustrating is that last friday was my last day in the pool and I was out of alignment when I went so I was thrilled to be going. I felt SO much better after going too. Then I got home and during quiet time, I had a tangling up of sorts with a baby gate and a toddler rocking chair. Didn’t fall face first but my legs did get spread out and wham! right back out of alignment. I took some tylenol immediately and prayed a LOT. I did feel better but now, not so much. Chris asked me this morning if there was anything he could do to make it better and I replied – “Yeah, snap your fingers and make it January” nothing happened when he snapped his fingers.

So maybe if we ALL snap our fingers together on the count of three…..

one

two

three….

(I’ll be waiting!)