Category Archives: strong woman

Sharing the Journey with My Husband

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As I sit here having just read this interview, I am blown away by how far we have truly come since the birth of our first child. We have overcome so much and I know it is because neither one of us is afraid of staring adversity in the eye. Chris and I met November 2000 while we worked at the same company. We’ve been inseparable ever since, no matter what the storm brought to our world. Relying on each other’s strengths and shoring up each other’s weaknesses, we’ve managed to build an extremely strong marriage that has been tested time and again in the short six years of wedded partnership. And you know what? We’ve come out of each storm stronger and closer than before. There’s a quote by Louisa Alcott:  “I am not afraid of the storm for I am learning to sail my ship.” Together we are not afraid of the storm and have slowly begun to master sailing our ship through whatever mighty waves come our way. I hope you enjoy this honest and compassionate look into my PPD experience from my husband’s perspective.

Would you share your experience of watching the woman you love suffer from Postpartum Depression? What were some of the emotions you went through as you watched me spiral downward and what was the hardest part for you?

Wow, thats tough. I guess it is hard because I have blocked that out of my mind. I think the best way to answer that question is to just explain what PPD looks like from the outside from the perspective of someone who is uneducated in the signs, because that is where I was when it all began. Honestly I really didn’t know what to think. All I knew is that the woman that I married and loved was gone. You were reclusive and moody most of the time. All I really wanted to do is just tell you to snap out of it, and I think that I did a couple of times. I thought you had become lazy and selfish. I knew something was wrong, but I thought it was more of a problem with lack of motivation and lack of discipline. It made me angry. After our second daughter was born, I had educated myself. I found that even though I got frustrated with you, I understood. I probably didn’t show it all the time, because I had my own stresses going on with sixty hour work weeks and the hospitalization of our daughter. The hardest part of it all though was watching you hurt. I just wanted so bad for you to be happy and it just didn’t seem to happen.

Looking back, would you agree that the lack of diagnosis/treatment of my first episode compounded my second episode?

Definitely. I actually believe that it just carried over into the second pregnancy. You never really recovered from the first episode. It wasn’t until nearly a year after the birth of Charlotte that I even began to recognize you as the same woman that I married.

You recognized my PP OCD the second time around well before I was able to admit there was a problem. In fact, you even made the call to my OB’s office for initial treatment. What were some of the warning signs that alerted you to the beginnings of this episode?

You had become anti-social. You were sad most of the time. You did a lot of cleaning, and please don’t take this the wrong way because you really are a great housewife, but neither one of us is Mary Poppins when it comes to keeping the house clean. What really tipped me off though was that you just didn’t seem well. You wanted to sleep a lot and you also seemed to snap very easily at the smallest things.

My hospitalization absolutely frightened me but ultimately became the turning point in my recovery. Would you share your memories and feelings surrounding my hospitalization?

Honestly, I was scared to death as well. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was working sixty hour work weeks with a two year old and newborn at home and I didn’t know how I was going to take care of them. And how would I juggle having to make the hour drive back and forth to the hospital that you were in to bring you the things that you would need and to get milk for Charlotte? I didn’t know how long you would be there. I was really scared. I was also concerned for you. I love you and didn’t want to see you hurting. I was also thankful for the fact that you were getting the help you needed. When you called me at work and told me that you were having intrusive thoughts, I couldn’t get home fast enough. Who knows what the outcome would have been had you not gone to the hospital that day? That thought still crosses my mind today. I am so grateful that you understood the severity of your problem and took the help that was given to you. I think it all goes back to education.

We worked very hard together to prevent PPD after Cameron’s birth. What were some of the differences in how we approached the postpartum period this time around?

Well, I know that you took antidepressants during your pregnancy, but we also had a set of written guidelines as to what to look for and for how we would respond if certain events took place. We tried to educate (there’s that word again) our families about the signs to look for and also what were the right and wrong things to say and do in the event that PPD reared it’s head again. During your second bout with PPD I really think that we were better educated, but our families were not. This caused a lot of tension and strife. With the whole family knowing what to look for, it helped make everyone sympathetic to the situation. Boy do I wish we had that in place when in the throes of your second episode.

What is the biggest lesson you feel you’ve learned from my PP OCD episodes?

I always viewed mental illness as something that happened to other people. I viewed people with mental illness as weird or abnormal. The biggest thing I learned is that mental illness can strike anyone, at any time. I suffer from ADHD, depression and anxiety and would have never sought help with my issues had I not educated myself about yours.

What has it been like to watch me grow from mother suffering from PPD to the PPD Advocate I am today?

First I would like to say how proud I am of you. You have turned adversity into triumph. I have been amazed at the transformation. Most people just take their hard knocks and then move on, but you have taken up a cause and have made a difference in other peoples lives. I am inspired and in awe. I love you and encourage to keep up the great work that you are doing.

Share with us what you find to be most challenging about fatherhood. The Least challenging.

I have always been a rather impatient person. Fatherhood is teaching me patience. That is a challenge since I tend to want instant results. Maybe that is just the ADHD in me. Kids sort of move at their own pace, and I have learned that they are learning all along the way. To rush them along is not only detrimental to their growth and development, but it is also unfair to steal those learning experiences away from them. The least challenging is loving those precious kids. I just can’t seem to get enough of them and can’t give enough hugs and kisses. That is not a challenge at all.

How important do you feel it is to hold onto a sense of self once you become a parent? What are some ways a father can provide some much needed alone time?

You must know who you are before you can help someone else, namely your children, discover who they are. The best way to do that is to have some “me time”. It is very difficult to get when you are a parent between diaper changes and cleaning mud (or other mud like substances) off the walls, but is essential. Sometimes I will stay up late to get some alone time or will go to the store. Don’t forget though that you and your spouse need some time together too. Also, it is ok to ask your wife to take the kids for a few hours while you go get some coffee. Just remember though that you need to provide her with that same luxury as well. Ask the Grandparents to take the kids too. Even if it is just for an hour or two, you and your spouse can have a nice dinner or just go home and work on some of those household projects that you have on your “honey do” list.

And last but not least, if you had one piece of advice to give an expectant father (new or experienced), what would it be?

Educate, educate and when it’s all through educate some more. You can never fully prepare yourself for everything that fatherhood throws at you, but knowing some of what to expect takes a lot of the anxiety away and relieves a lot of the stress on you and your spouses relationship

Grace Award

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Grace Award Badge

Darren Bernhardt, of TheStarPhoenix.com is honored for his story, “Child care necessary for support groups,” in which he reports on the loss of child care for a Saskatoon (CA) Postpartum Support Group. Darren’s writing dignifies and honors the journey these moms take as they struggle to overcome such a difficult times in their lives.Thank you Darren, for respecting these families and the program that supports them during this time.

Philippians 3:13

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This morning we had a pediatrician visit for both Cameron and Allison. Cameron’s appointment was his six month check-up and Alli’s was related to her continued rash behaviour.

Alli is being referred to a child psychologist for further testing/evaluation and I am very relieved. Perhaps this will finally shed some light on the underlying cause of her behaviour and lack of discipline acceptance.

Cameron, on the other hand, is suspected of Failure to Thrive. The pediatrician suggested I pump exclusively for a couple of days, giving him my breastmilk via bottle. I have a few reservations regarding that plan of action. First, exclusively bottlefeed and pump for TWO WHOLE DAYS? Pumping is not a good indicator of supply, bottlefeeding may confuse him, and frankly, after exclusively pumping for Charlotte for seven long months, I’m not so sure that I’m up for a second time around that block. I am also scared to start EP’ing as I fear I may end up doing that until he’s a year old, continuing to struggle to pump as well as get his weight gain in order. And what if I start and then try to go back to the breast and he refuses to go back? I can’t handle that all over again.

And so it is with a heavy heart filled with experience, fact, and love, I have decided to switch over to formula. A gradual transition to be sure but a difficult decision nonetheless. I know I will miss our nursing relationship but his health and growth as well as my mental stability are vastly more important than any potential benefit of breastmilk at this point. I fully anticipate a mourning period and will be keeping an eye on my mood as the prolactin production decreases as we wean. Deep in my heart I know this is the right decision for our family in order for us all to be happy and healthy.

It is at this time I am reminded of a wonderful bible verse –

Forgetting things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, this is wisdom. Philippians 3:13

This verse has become a constant reminder not to over-analyze every minute detail of what could have been done differently or where the train began to run off the tracks. To do this would be assigning ourselves to a dark pit of despair and that is not where we need to be now. We need to be front and center, in the light with the Lord so that we continue to shine and guide our children toward His glory. We will accept (once again) our new normal and adjust our lives accordingly so we may move forward full of prayer, wisdom, love, and strength. For at this time, there is nothing more we can do beyond this but wait on the Lord and trust in His infinite power and wisdom.

Therapy and the Postpartum Woman by Karen Kleiman

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Karen Kleiman, a wonderfully dedicated therapist to the PPD world,  has authored yet another wonderful book, Therapy & the Postpartum Woman. Available for pre-order now,  this book will release in September and is written for the benefit of both clinicians and women with PPD to maximize the therapy experience on both sides. Click here to pre-order: Therapy & the Postpartum Woman

Here’s an excerpt of what Shari Lusskin, MD says in the foreword of the Therapy & the Postpartum Woman:

Ms. Kleiman presents a theoretical framework in which the therapist “mothers the mother” by acting as the “good” mother, who “must achieve that equilibrium between absolute support and appropriate boundaries.” Using compelling patient narratives, she demonstrates just how to achieve that balance in order to teach the patient how to develop confidence in her own skills as a mother. There is a treasure trove of “clinical pearls” in this eminently readable book, which even the most experienced clinician will be able to use right away. For those new to the field, and for patients and their loved ones, the book offers a wealth of information on the nature of postpartum depression as a medical illness and the psychosocial issues that arise when a woman is faced with caring for a baby. Ms. Kleiman describes how the medical community tends to minimize the complexity of these issues and use a “one size fits all” approach to treating depression. Readers will learn to be more effective advocates for proper treatment of perinatal depression. Therapists will also learn how to draw from their own experiences to facilitate the human connection between therapist and patient at a time when women feel isolated by shame and insecurity. Together, the therapist and the patient can work towards discovering the innate resilience that has allowed women to raise children even in the most extreme circumstances. Ms. Kleiman has developed a humanistic approach to psychotherapy for postpartum mood disorders that gives recognition to psychodynamic theory, but then uses many cognitive–behavioral techniques to reach well-defined goals. Therapy and the Postpartum Woman is an elegantly written book that not only offers practical advice but also does so in a way that will touch the lives of both patients and therapists. It is destined to become a classic for those experiencing or treating perinatal mood disorders.

Good News if you live in Springfield, MO!

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Some serious kudos to Dana Lewis and Jennifer Stephens for their hard work in this area! So many moms will benefit from this! Keep up the hard work!

 

The Women’s Center is first in the region to offer postpartum depression support group

The birth of a baby is supposed to be a joyous occasion in a woman’s life. The reality is up to 80 percent of new mothers experience feelings of emotional instability, known as ‘Baby Blues” in the first weeks after pregnancy. Up to 20 percent suffer from a more severe form of depression known as postpartum depression.

The Women’s Center at CoxHealth announces the creation of two support groups designed to address topics affecting new mothers, including postpartum depression.

The first, “Mom’s New Groove“, is a series of six educational classes. The initial class in the series will be at 12:30-1:30, Wednesday, June 18 at The Turner Center conference room, 1000 E. Primrose. The classes are ongoing, so women can begin at anytime and continue until attending all six classes, which will be held at the same time and place each week.

“In the entire state of Missouri, there is only one postpartum depression support group, and it is in St. Louis, so there is a huge need in this region,” says Dana Lewis, women’s health educator at The Women’s Center.

Lewis and Jennifer Stephens, a student at Missouri State University, developed the series, which is supervised by health care professionals. Stephens suffered from postpartum depression after the birth of her first child.

“Our biggest goal with this education is to normalize postpartum depression. These classes will help women understand that they are not alone, that they shouldn’t feel bad about themselves for having these feelings and that there is now somewhere to go for help,” says Stephens.

The six classes in the “Mom’s New Groove” series include handling major adjustments in a woman’s life, understanding baby’s needs, learning safety tips, and transitioning back to work. Two classes will focus on postpartum depression. Women will learn the signs of postpartum adjustment disorder, how to cope and how a baby can change relationships. These two classes will be led by Wanda Holloway, a clinician at The Burrell Center.

Women who need additional support dealing with the strain of caring for their new baby will be encouraged to attend the second support group, “Beyond Baby Blues.”  This support group will begin after the first six weeks of “Mom’s New Groove”, and will be led by Wanda Holloway.

For more information, call The Women’s Center, 269-Lady.