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Sharing the Journey with Tara Mock

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Tara has been a true source of inspiration for me through my advocacy journey. Her strength, faith, and dedication to supporting other women has made me examine my own work and my increasing awareness of the role my faith and God held in my experience with Postpartum OCD and my subsequent passion for advocacy. I often refer women to her website when they are in need of faith-based support. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed getting to know her and have connected with another wonderful Christian PPD supporter – Sue McRoberts – through Tara. Thank you, Tara for all you do for Moms who are still on that dark path. Thank you for showing them the way Out of the Valley.

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Share a little bit of yourself with us. Who IS Tara Mock as a woman?

I am a formerly-shy-now-outspoken woman who loves Jesus dearly, my husband 0428whole-heartedly, and my children with everything I have.  I am a pianist and an avid reader.  I can have a sarcastic sense of humor, but I love to laugh and believe the best memories are those with lots of laughter and smiles.  I hate pickles with a deep and abiding passion, but will eat chocolate with anything.  I love to have dinner and/or coffee (I prefer hot chocolate) with my girlfriends.  They are so precious to me, so encouraging and wise, and as a mom of young children, I love that.  I’m not sure what I would do without them!

You’ve walked the dark path of Postpartum Depression. Share with us what that was like.

In one word –  horrid.  I would not wish what I went through on my worst enemies. PPD hit me hard and fast in the week after my son’s birth.  I was in a lot of physical pain to begin with and then my emotions began to snowball, running the gamut:  sadness, anger, apathy, despair, hopelessness, frustration, to eventually suicidal.  That terrified me and it was then, and through the encouragement of my pastor’s wife, that I told my doctor.  Even after that, those crisis days were not over and I still had another couple of weeks to trudge through – including a hospitalization, suicide watch, meds, 24-hour care by a nurse-friend, and lots of sleep.  In the subsequent days and weeks and months, I gradually learned how to care for my son and gain new confidence as a mother, with my eyes towards hope for the future. There were good days and there were bad days, but when the good started outnumbering the bad, I knew I was getting better.  It was about nine or ten months from the time of his birth before I really felt like I had my feet on solid ground and out of that valley.
How did your faith affect your experience and recovery?

Greatly.  My Christian faith is who I am, but with this experience I initially felt like I had been “kicked while down.”  We had gone through infertility treatments to even conceive this baby, my husband had been laid off on the very day we found out I was pregnant, and I was very angry that PPD was happening to me after all that.  I repeatedly asked God “Why?  Isn’t it enough what I’ve been through already?”  But I learned that I also could not get through it without Him.  I clung to encouraging Scriptures with everything I had, even taping them on note cards around my house.   Unfortunately, there were Christian friends who said well-meaning but hurtful things (pray more, just be grateful, etc.), but working past that and learning what the Bible really says helped me grow so much.  I hated going through PPD, but I can also say that I am grateful for the experience and for who it made me today.  (Please know that it is ok if you do not feel the same way!)
At what point did you decide to become an advocate and source of support for other women who are struggling with a Postpartum Mood Disorder?

There were a series of events that solidified my resolve to become an advocate for women going through what I went through.  First, on my first Mother’s Day, the one I had longed for for quite a few years, I went to a local bookstore to purchase Brooke Shields’ new book, Down Came the Rain – it had just been released.  The lady behind the counter started commenting on my son, mentioned she had a baby the same age then started to tell me how she could not understand how anyone who had had a baby could be sad.  I was stunned.  Here I was purchasing a book about PPD and she could not put two and two together that I might be hurting?  I mumbled something about that it had happened to me and thankyouverymuchgoodbye.  I cried all the way home.   (Not to worry, I went back the next day and spoke with the manager about that employee.)  Second, the argument between Brooke Shields and Tom Cruise was a highlight in the news sometime around then and I was angry at the sheer ignorance that some people had about this illness as well as the fact that this Hollywood figure was spreading so much misinformation.  Third, I was part of an online Christian group and some lady (or two, I do not recall) had a discussion about the Brooke Shields book and began degrading her and what she went through.  I took it very personally because I was going through it as well – and these were fellow Christians.  Ouch!  The misinformation out there was stunning – I had just encountered it three times in a short time span.  I decided then and there to not be ashamed of my story, to share it and not hide it, and to encourage other women also sick with PPD.  That was the beginning….  I then began to search for Christian resources for this illness and at the time, there were none.  (Now, there are a few and the number is growing quite quickly, yea!!!)  After my son’s first birthday, I felt led to fill the gap – to provide a non-denominational Christian ministry for women, their families, and churches to know how to deal with Postpartum Mood Disorders.  Thus was born the (currently) online ministry, Out of the Valley Ministries, Inc.

You have two beautiful children. Did you experience PPD with both? If not, what do you think made the difference?

Thank you!  With my daughter, I experienced a small amount of anxiety, but overall the experience was remarkably better with no real recurrence of PPD.  We planned very, very carefully for her birth.  The planning itself was therapy, helping me feel like I had some control, whereas I felt I had none when I had PPD with my son. Medications were discussed with my doctor.  I had a therapist I could call if needed.  I had a schedule of family and friends to be here with me for at least six weeks.  My husband was insistent that sleep be my first priority (sleep deprivation being a huge trigger for me) and he was so wonderful in making sure that I got that.  I had a self-care plan in place for my return home to minimize anxiety.  I had the same doctor as I did for my son’s birth and amazingly, the same nurse who was there for our childbirth education classes, my son’s delivery, and who cared for me when I had PPD  – she was standing there when I walked into the birth center in labor with my daughter.  What a blessing!! She knew me and exactly how to take care of me.  As much as I had it under control, that told me that God had it in His hands as well.  I believe prayer and the pro-active approach we took to minimize/prevent a recurrence of PPD was really key.
Self-care is of the utmost importance on this road called Motherhood. What do you do to make sure you are taken care of on a daily basis?

Not enough! I make sure to always put the kids in their rooms for quiet time/nap time in the middle of the day – whether they sleep or play.  This gives me the mental break and quiet moment I need to get through the rest of the day. I treat myself to a cup of tea and either a book, my favorite blogs, or catch up on a favorite TV show. The days that I am able to have a quiet moment to read my Bible and pray are definitely my better days, but doing that consistently, especially when kids like to get up at 6am is difficult!   Staying in touch with the rest of the world is important for me as well – the internet is a wonderful thing to a mom with young children!  Being a pianist, music is ingrained in my soul.  If things are getting stressful around here, I know I can put on some music and my mood can change that quickly.  I love that!
List three things that made you laugh today.

Ah, great question!  I laughed when my son came up to me and said, “I love you wotsa-wotsa-wotsa-wotsa!”  (Translation:  I love you lots and lots and lots and lots!)   And my little girl makes me laugh all the time – especially when she grins and says “I did it!” for something she shouldn’t have done.  I have to hide my laugh then!
What have you found to be the most challenging about parenting? The least challenging?

The least challenging?  When the kids are actually asleep.  The most challenging?  When they are awake.  Some days we just have no idea how to handle this or that behavior, and other days we are just amazed at what great kids they are.
Tell us a little about Out of The Valley and how it has continued to grow. When you started out, did you envision it growing as much as it has?

Out of the Valley Ministries is primarily an online ministry – I share articles and Scriptures to encourage ladies who are hurting, help churches and loved ones help those who are sick, as well as list a wealth of resources.  On my blog, I try to list practical self-care tips, include music that encouraged me, and write devotional-type pieces to encourage the hurting mom, and have recently begun to feature stories and testimonies of survivors.  Periodically, I may share my story on the blog or other information that is of the utmost importance in the PPD world.  Yours (Sharing the Journey) and Katherine Stone’s (Postpartum Progress) among others do such a great job at keeping us updated on the news that I feel no need to duplicate the information, but to rather write from a self-care perspective.  That growth has come as I have learned about and gotten to know the many wonderful people advocating for postpartum mood disorders, as well as gotten better at managing my website and finding a niche that fits me as a person.  I love seeing how God has used this ministry to touch women’s lives – and women that I had no idea that it helped until recently.  That blesses my socks off!  It made what I went through worth every second.
And last but not least, if you had the opportunity to share one piece of advice about PMD’s with an expectant mother, (new or experienced), what would you tell them?

Just one?  Gosh, Lauren, you know how to ask the hard questions!  Some days you will need to take it one breath at a time, and others five minutes at a time, but eventually the whole day will be beautiful and full of hope.  You WILL walk out of this valley, and know that God is with you the entire time!

So sleep deprivation makes it worse, huh?

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sleeping-mother-and-baby

A study by Bobbie Posmontier of Drexel University published this past week concluded that sleep deprivation exacerbates symptoms of Postpartum Depression.

Really? Sure about that?

And money was spent on this research?

You’ve GOT to be kidding me.

So those endless sleepless nights, stolen moments of sleep here or there because I just couldn’t keep my eyes open or my mind awake anymore just made things worse? And wait a second – you’re also saying that women with PPD have a hard time falling asleep? So it WAS the PPD that caused all those racing thoughts and sleep problems! Wow. There’s an eye-opener.

What really gets me about this is that the end of the article published by Blackwell, there are recommendations for sleep habits of new moms.(You can read the article by clicking here)

Posmontier recommends clinicians treating women for PPD to address the importance of adequate sleep. “Mothers can develop a plan to have other family members help care for the baby at night,” she said. “They also should practice good sleep hygiene. That includes going to bed at the same time every night, avoiding naps and steering clear of caffeine, exercise, nicotine and alcohol within four hours of bedtime.”

Hey wait! Caffeine (and power naps) helped me get through those first few bleary weeks! Well, toothpicks too but that’s a whole ‘nother post in rebuttal to a whole new study – about how toothpicks are ineffective tools for keeping your eyes open due to the OW factor. (That study hasn’t already been done, has it?)

My sarcasm aside, Ms. Postmontier does make a valid point of getting practitioners and clinicians to increase their awareness and their patient’s awareness of adequate sleep.

And here’s where I get serious.

With our second daughter, we begged our pediatrician for a night nurse. Tube-fed, someone had to be up with her 24/7 as we couldn’t just let a feeding slip by. It mattered too much to get her as much food as possible. I was also pumping exclusively for her and my life revolved around caring for her but with a lot of above and beyond thrown in for extra measure. Typically my husband stayed up with her at night and let me sleep at least the five hours I could sleep without sacrificing supply.

Just one month after she came home from the hospital was when I was admitted to psych ward for suicidal ideation/thoughts and thoughts of harming my children. I slept most of the time I was there. The nurses would wake me so I could pump, which I did every three hours during the day until midnight or so and then I would go to sleep until 6a and start the whole routine over.

That weekend was a tremendous turning point for me. Not only was my medication changed but I got sleep. The nurses hounded me to change my routine at home and make sure I took time for myself, something I made sure to do when I returned home. I started walking every morning and learned the true value of self-care. I felt guilty at first but now not only have I come to expect it, my husband is an active enforcer of my self-care time. (He knows what a grump I can be if I don’t get my sleep!)

So while the whole study struck me at first as a “DUH” moment, it really is a valuable enforcement of the importance of sleep in a new mom’s life. The better care you take of yourself, the better shape your family will be in come the long-run. Thank you, Ms. Postmontier for your invaluable contribution to this important aspect of Postpartum Care.

Sharing the Journey with Dr. Shoshana Bennett

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Having started out much like myself as a survivor of PPD, Shoshana Bennett has done more than just dig herself out of a deep dark place – she’s risen far above it and has been reaching back to help others find their way back out and into the bright Clear Sky. In fact, Dr. Shoshana appeared just this past Tuesday on The Doctors to speak about Postpartum Mood Disorders and offered to help currently struggling moms. She serves as a true inspiration and source of caring support for those of us who advocate and are struggling through our own dark path. Thank you, Dr. Shosh, thank you.

Would you share a little bit about yourself with us?

A survivor of two life-threatening, undiagnosed postpartum depressions, now considered a pioneer in the field, I founded Postpartum Assistance for Mothers in 1987, and am a former president of Postpartum Support International. I’ve  helped over 17,000 women worldwide through individual consultations, support groups and tele-classes. As a noted guest lecturer and keynote speaker, I travel throughout the US and abroad, training medical and mental health professionals to assess and treat postpartum depression and related mood disorders. I have earned three teaching credentials, two masters degrees, a Ph.D. and am a licensed as a clinical psychologist. Currently, I am working to pass legislation that helps reduce the incidence and impact of postpartum mood disorders. You can contact me through http://ClearSky-Inc.com.

I’ve written Postpartum Depression For Dummies and co-authored Beyond the Blues: Understanding and Treating Prenatal and Postpartum Depression. My latest book Pregnant on Prozac will be available in January of ’09. I’ve also created guided imagery audios that are specifically focused on helping moms take care of themselves.

How did you become focused on Postpartum Mood Disorders? What drew you in to the subject?

Out of personal experience with severe postpartum depressions (along with OCD, panic, and PTSD), it became my mission to educate. There was no help for me back in the ‘80s. When I realized there was a name for what I had gone through, I understood that my family and I didn’t have to suffer like we had. Since then, it’s been my passion to help prevent that pain and isolation in others.

As I look back at my two episodes of Postpartum Depression with OCD tendencies, I see very clearly now how they helped to mold me into the woman I am today and allowed me to develop my tenacity and increase my self-esteem. What are some of the biggest things your experience with PPD allowed you to realize? Through sharing my experience and expertise with clients and colleagues, I experience the deepest, most satisfying feelings. I know my suffering was not in vain – my purpose is to get the word out that there’s hope and that moms will recover with proper help. I get to witness my clients’ lives transforming before my eyes. They often tell me they’re happier than they were even before their postpartum depressions! I am so thankful that out of personal devastation came this glorious path.

As a mom, what have you found to be the most energizing about motherhood? The most challenging?

As many of your readers will agree, our children are our best teachers. My kids always hold up that proverbial mirror so I will be the best person I can be. This is both what’s most energizing and most challenging. It’s not always easy to take an honest look (right?), but I truly love the personal growth involved. I find this challenge stimulating and exciting.

What are some of the biggest challenges you have faced in juggling motherhood and work?

I earned a doctorate degree when my children were quite young. Most of my studying and papers were completed between 3 and 6 in the morning, before my kids woke up, which took some discipline. Also, working from home can be easier in some obvious respects, but more challenging in others. For instance, I needed to learn to keep my work contained in my office , instead of letting it spill into my kitchen and living room. Psychologically and physically it took some practice setting and keeping those boundaries.

We often encourage mothers to remember to take time for themselves. What is it that YOU do to recharge your batteries?

In between writing chapters for my next book Pregnant on Prozac, I take walks, do yoga, and visit with friends. I travel and speak quite a bit, but these are things I can do anywhere. Almost every day I put on some great, upbeat music and I focus on my next steps personally and professionally. I’m also a huge believer in nutrition – I eat really well to support healthy brain chemistry and body functioning. Every month I also receive a wonderful massage. I encourage my clients to take good care of themselves physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually, and I do the same for myself.

Postpartum Mood Disorder recognition and acceptance has come a LONG way but we still have miles to go. What do you see as some of the hurdles we still have to cross?

For one, the DSM should recognize the postpartum mood disorders as their very own diagnoses. Right now, there is no actual diagnosis of postpartum depression, so it’s viewed by many well-meaning professionals as no different from any other depression. For any woman who has been depressed before having a baby, and then has ppd, she absolutely knows that ppd feels different. Also, the right questions for moms and dads need to be asked in OB and pediatricians’ offices as a standard practice. It is definitely going in the right direction, and doctors are increasingly “tuning in” to these questions and listening better to the answers given. In addition, medical doctors are also understanding that prescription medicine doesn’t always need to be the first line of treatment. Many of my clients have not needed medication once they receive a solid plan of action with natural healing.

What is your philosophy regarding your approach to Postpartum Depression? How did you develop this philosophy?

I am solution-focused, not problem-focused. I focus on wellness and healing and helping depressed women get “un-stuck” as fast as possible. I learned many years ago that women can recover remarkably quickly when they have very simple and practical steps to help them move forward.

What advice would you give to medical professionals who may come in contact with a mother who is depressed? What are some of the best things they could do for this mom? What should they not do?

Funny – I was just asked to present at a women’s conference on just this topic. It’s important to speak to this mom with care, sensitivity and respect – reassure her that she’s not inadequate, there’s nothing to be ashamed about and handle the topic very matter-of-factly, as gestational diabetes (or any other common perinatal illness) would be approached. A practitioner should not dismiss depression as “normal” or give pat advice such as, “go out on more dates and get your nails done and it should pass.” Depression needs to be taken seriously and a referral to a therapist who specializes in the field should be provided.

And last but not least, if you had a chance to give just one piece of advice to an expectant mother (new or experienced), what would you say?

Pregnant women call me all the time, since they want to prevent depression and anxiety later on in the pregnancy and also postpartum. I help them with a simple plan of setting realistic expectations, sleeping at night, eating/nutrition, and getting emotional and physical support. So much joy and happiness can be experienced (and mood disorders greatly minimized, if not completely avoided), when there’s a solid plan of action in place!