Category Archives: infant

Petition in Support of the MOTHER’S Act

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Yes, we had a blog day.

Yes, we’ve called our Senators, written them, and speak out daily about the NEED for improved care for women just like us.

BUT… we’re not being heard. Instead, the voices of those who would argue that the MOTHER’S Act will force new mothers to take medication and submit to screening are the ones being heard. The MOTHER’S Act will not force medication on anyone – what it will do is provide the opportunity for every mother to have access to treatment for a PMD if she has one. The method of treatment is up to the mother and her physician (and frankly, if my physician wasn’t on the same page as I was or at least willing to back up his reasoning with some pretty strong fact, I’d find another physician!) and drugs may not be the best route for every mother – but EVERY MOTHER WHO SUFFERS DESERVES ACCESS TO TREATMENT.

Please sign the petition from the Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance in support of the MOTHER’S Act.

It’s urgent that your voice be heard NOW.

Good Mornin’

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I am sitting here hooked up to my pump – gotta leave sustenance for the little one while I’m gone on Friday. Can’t have him starving and screaming. That wouldn’t make anyone happy, now would it?

In an effort to get back into the blogging mood, I’m going to start posting whenever I can grab a second. So forgive me if this is overload at first but I’ve been out of practice for a bit – you know, with the birth of the baby and all.

I have to say that this time around things have been so much different. Being able to laugh and smile and play with Cameron without having to force myself to is refreshing. And I LOVE to pick him up and hold him right on my chest so that his heart is right over mine. I feel as if we are communicating and our hearts are one – it blows me away every time how powerful holding him that way can be for me. I NEVER felt that with either one of the girls. And yes, it does make me sad to think I didn’t really bond with the girls the way I am bonding with him BUT the girls are both happy and get plenty of love now and don’t seem to be scarred at all by that experience. Recently I’ve really been mourning the loss of bonding with Charlotte when she was an infant but lately she’s been very cuddly and huggy so it’s making up for it slowly.

Gotta run. I think I may try to crawl back into bed for a short bit. Pray that I made it!

A Dark Place

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Last night, I slid a little further towards that dark hole those of us who have had PPD know a little too well. I felt as if it reached out and grabbed me, sucking me down until only a glimmer of light remained. I called my husband in tears about 10 minutes before he got off work. Not only had Cameron been nursing non-stop, he had been spitting up non-stop. When I went to get him up, his sheet was drenched and so was he. I cleaned him up best I could – in between our one and a half year old running in and out of his room and not minding me at all. In addition, as I changed Cameron’s sheets, he vomited at least three times. Alli was a charmer all day yesterday. I can’t imagine how much worse things would have been had she been misbehaving too. I let myself get angry – angry about the Nyastatin, angry that Charlotte wasn’t listening, angry that every time I called the pizza place either Cameron or Charlotte would scream. I finally called my husband and had him call in our order for us. I had already started swirling downwards by that point though – way down – and I knew it – and part of me wanted to stop it yet another part of me wanted to submit. Once my husband called in our pizza order, fresh air seemed to surround me and things started to look up. I managed to cling to the side of the dark hole and not fall too far. Once I got the girls to bed, things started to calm down. Cameron was up until 1130 – spitting up and nursing, poor thing. But he did sleep in my arms for a bit and that was blissful. In fact, it’s what calmed me down the most. Well, that and knowing Chris was here to attend to anything else that might happen. I now had support here and that was a HUGE relief.

 Today, after Chris gets off work, I will be taking the car and going to get myself  a coffee and either picking up a few groceries or getting a NY Giants shirt. (Maybe both!) I told Chris I needed some time alone today to recover from yesterday and he quickly agreed. I am going to try and pump a little bit later – there’s already 3oz in the fridge but Cameron is a hungry baby in the afternoons so I need to try and leave more than he will need.

Even though I am having bad days, the good days have outnumbered them by far – and when I have a bad day, I am able to recognize that it is nothing more than that – a bad day. I am also able to balance that with a plan to improve the next day.

My husband shared something with me today. He found an interesting tip on the internet about achieving your goals. Take a blank index card. Write positive affirmations or notes to yourself on it. Carry it with you wherever you go – look at it as needed. I think I’m going to do that – after all, writing here has helped me tremendously. I can’t imagine what carrying little positive affirmations will do for me.

A note on Cameron’s spitting up:  

Cameron’s pediatrician finally called in his Nyastatin prescription and he started it on Wednesday. Yesterday he spent most of the day spitting up and vomiting. I stopped the Nyastatin and will be using diluted Grapefruit Seed Extract instead. I have no intention of calling his pediatrician’s office because according to them, “Nyastatin shouldn’t make him spit up.” Um, well, it does, and no thanks to the nurse who actually told my husband “It shouldn’t make him spit up, just hold his mouth shut so it all stays in” Yes, we are writing a letter of complaint. Not only for that, but for the fact that we called the ped’s office on MONDAY about thrush and it took them until WEDNESDAY to call something in – and even then, they couldn’t remember what they were supposed to call in. UGH!

Mornin’

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Cameron officially has a nighttime routine!

 YAY!

I got up with him twice last night. He goes to bed around 10p, wakes up at 1, 4, and then 7. Wooohoooo!

I like the time he wakes up because I will get him up, change him, then take him into the living room to nurse. No one else is awake yet so it’s “my” time even though yes, I have a baby attached to me. Once I lay him back down, I take the dogs out before getting the girls up so more “me” time.

I am definitely adjusting to the new routine.

 As for the emotional aspect – my OB added Wellbutrin to my Lexapro and I am happy to say that it seems to be working so far. Of course, I just started it yesterday so we’ll have to see. I am supposed to be going today to get my Mirena placed. No more lil babies for us – and that does make me sad in a way but then again, I know that there’s just no way I could handle another pregnancy and we’re tight enough financially as it is right now. So I’m doing the responsible thing and getting the birth control on the right path.

Gotta run, he just finished nursing so now it’s time for my morning freeze. :-)

Busy Busy Busy

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Wow. I had no idea that three kids would keep me so busy. I mean, I knew it would up the ante but good gracious!

Amazingly we have a family routine already and Cameron is barely a month old. Cameron on the other hand is blissfully ignorant of this routine to a certain degree as this past weekend we had a marathon nursing session that lasted 48 hours. I couldn’t put him down without him screaming – he wouldn’t take the paci either. Only Mama! I think the ring stayed on one hand the whole weekend because it was pointless to keep switching it with him nursing so much. The thrush has pretty much disappeared – now if we could just get his diaper rash to clear up! It is looking much better than it did which is a positive. He’s also got the hang of latch and nursing is going much better. No more sore nipples, especially after this weekend. Thank GOODNESS because frankly, I don’t know if I could have taken the pain if it had lasted much longer!

Cameron had his first bouncer experience today. He really seemed to like it which is good – we’re trying to get him used to not being held as much so he’ll sleep in his bed. As it is now, he pretty much will only sleep on us (read: ME) and as soon as we put him down, he cries. We put a little angle pillow in his bed that we used with Charlotte and it seems to help some so I can’t help but wonder if there’s a bit of reflux going on. If there is, it’s mild as he really doesn’t spit up a lot anymore.

Charlotte has gotten to be quite vocal and is now the loudest of the three. An amazing accomplishment. Alli started dance lessons last week and seemed to really enjoy herself. We have to help her with her criss-cross applesauce sitting (aka indian style) for circle time at class. I think we’ll work on that tomorrow and Wednesday before her next class.

On a general life note, our only car died. It’s at the shop having a new engine put in as I type. I don’t know when we’ll get it back. We were planning on buying a mini-van with our tax refund and still are but the price will have to be a bit lower than we were planning on being that we now have to pay for the car to be repaired. Life. It DOES come at you fast!

Have a couple of new Allisonisms to share and both are from today. (She’s on point today!) This morning one of the dogs had an accident in the house and when Alli saw it she cried out, “POOP on the loose!” Good thing I wasn’t drinking something otherwise it would have spewed all over the place. The second one was later after Charlotte went down for quiet time. Cameron was lying on the boppy as I prepared to nurse. Alli was patting him on the head and telling him to just wait cuz mommy was getting ready to feed him. I let down my top and out toppled my breast and my brilliant 3 year old announced: “Your Food has arrived!” Again, thank GOD no liquid was involved.

Emotionally I am still intact, still on meds, no more anxiety or intrusive thoughts. I cried yesterday morning for a brief moment due to frustration with Cameron being fussy and not wanting to latch on. I was able to quickly calm myself down though. I did start back on the Omega 3.6.9’s this past weekend BUT quickly discovered I cannot take them while nursing Cameron just yet. He suddenly started to spit up quite a bit – almost projectile like and in large amounts. The Omega’s were the only new thing I had introduced to my system so to be safe, I quit taking them and he’s stopped spitting up.

Chris worked in the kitchen yesterday – cleaning, doing dishes, and taking out the trash. I am eternally grateful. I wish I could get caught up on the laundry though. I am so behind – SO SO SO behind. We have piles of clothes on the back porch that we pick through. So sad yet unfortunately a fact of life right now.

I think I might try and lie down on the couch to get a quick snooze in before everyone starts getting up around three. (And this is one part of the schedule Cameron IS familiar with. I’ve already got him napping at the same time as Charlotte. Wooohooo!) I keep taking it day by day knowing that eventually it does get easier.

Gotta run, Daughter Princess has asked me to dance with her. How on EARTH can I refuse an adorable Cinderally princess with a froggy towl draped over her head?