Category Archives: blogger

When Spam Happens

Spam.

It’s not just a delicious canned meat (yes, I said delicious. YUM!). No, if you’ve been on the Internet for any amount of time, you’re familiar with the other meaning of Spam. Unwanted contact from marketers for anything from a request for a link share or the darker side of spam, such as the seedy overseas national with a ton of money to send you if you’ll just please share all of your personal information with someone you have never met. (Don’t do that, by the way – just don’t.)

I have seen an increase in what I consider to be “spam” hitting my inbox lately, particularly associated with this blog. Usually I delete and move on but occasionally, I respond with a polite no and even more rarely, I respond as I chose to do yesterday.

Until yesterday, the emails which annoyed me most were of this nature:

“Hi! I’m Patricia and I’m a hard-working mom of a wonderful kid who is blah blah blah blah and blah blah blah…was reading your blog…blah blah..noticed you had a broken link… blah blah…while you’re fixing your broken link, would you mind adding my link as well? I put a lot of love and hard work into….”

Wait just a damn second.

I’m all for bloggers working together and letting each other know when a link isn’t working. I am. That’s awesome. That’s called friendship. But…when you’re tossing it in there to add your link and I don’t even know you?

SPAM.

I checked the link out, (I know, I know, don’t click the links!) glad I decided to do so. The link, while presenting decent information, had NO sourcing for said information, no credit for any of the pics used on the page, nothing. Total hot mess. You would think after one email it would be over, right? (I deleted it, didn’t respond). But no. I received at least two more emails from this person, the third one practically demanding I respond because I hadn’t responded yet.

I received another email like this from what appeared to be a different address but I am pretty sure it was the same person. That, or there’s a disturbing new trend in the spam world of “Hey! I’m trying to be friendly and help you but oh, by the way….”

No. Just no.

Fix the link if it’s broken (it was, through no fault of my own – the website I’d linked to had changed the page URL), and move on. Delete, delete, delete.

Then there are the fabulous people who email things like this:

“HEY! We’re having this awesome contest and if you’re one of the first 25 people to blog about our recommended topic, you’ll get on our front page with a link and a bio! Oh, and by blogging about said topic in 200 or more words, you’ll earn a chance at a grand prize of 1k or other smaller prizes! DO IT!”

How about no? And how about I send you an email that reads a LOT like this:

Hi, Rex.

Thank you for your terribly considerate email about your upcoming contest at your website. Really.

There’s nothing I would love more than to write an absolutely meaningless post about a cheap Mother’s Day present that’s 200+ words long because I’m a “Mom” blogger and covet a chance at entrance into a contest for 1k and other smaller prizes.

My blog has depth. It conveys hope and inspiration to mothers who have been through hell. The last thing I want to do is toss them a bone with a post that means absolutely nothing to me (and therefore will mean nothing to them). It’s not what I do and if you were at ALL familiar with my blog, you’d know that.

Here’s the thing, Rex.

I’m a writer.

Not “just” a blogger.

My writing isn’t free.

Want a post on my blog?

It’ll cost you $2.00/word. At 200 words minimum, you’re looking at least $400.00. Sure, a chance at 1k would more than cover my fee, but it’s not a guaranteed 1k, now is it?

And let’s not forget the chance at being featured on your home page if I’m one of the first 25 respondents. Exposure. YAY. I get that on my own. Probably not at the level you’re offering, but hey, I’ll take it because it means something.

I’m not a numbers girl. Never have been, never will be. I’m an “engagement value” type of gal unwilling to sell out space on my blog for some sort of cheap chance at money and exposure. If I wanted a cheap shot at money, I’d play the lottery. Less work is involved.

This is the problem with the world today, Rex. People think bloggers will work for free, for scraps from the table. Newsflash. We don’t. Some of us may, but the more savvy of us refuse to sit on the floor waiting for someone to toss us scraps like “exposure” and “a chance at a prize.”

All the best with your contest. I won’t be entering.

I have better things to do at my blog, like save lives and bash stigma in the head.

 PS. This response is a minimum of 350 words. To whom should I send the bill for $700?

I tweeted about this situation yesterday. The above email is how I decided to handle it. I wrote it, held it for a bit, then sent it off. Why? It’s a waste of energy some will say. But for each non-response they get, they don’t get the idea that bloggers are no longer willing to work for a “chance” at a prize. Maybe some are willing to do that – I’m not. All I want is for companies to simply respect what bloggers do and to genuinely check out the websites to which they pitch their ideas and campaigns. If it fit with the mission and general goals of my blog, I may have considered it. But this? Fits of laughter then anger.

The take-away from this post?

  • Recognize Spam as Spam.
  • Delete it if it’s inconsequential.
  • Respond if you feel it’s the proper thing to do.
  • But above all, laugh at the idiocy of it all, and then move on.

Spam is the underbelly of the Interwebz. Occasionally it deserves a post or two about the dangers of it or the ridiculousness of it all, but mostly, it deserves to stay in the dark corners of the Interwebz, barricaded away from the rest of all the good out there.

Guest post over on Mama’s Comfort Camp

Today, I’m thrilled to have a guest post over on Mama’s Comfort Camp. Yael is an amazing woman, one I am honoured to call friend. When she asked me to write a post to help celebrate the birthday of Mama’s Comfort Camp, I immediately said yes. After a couple of scheduling snafus, the day is finally here.

You can read “The New Village” here.

Go. Read. And discover yet another amazing community of supportive Mamas on the Internet. We’re growing – and you are not alone in your journey along the path of Motherhood. Join us.

About Yael: Yael Saar is a mama on a mission to remove guilt and shame from parenting in order to make room for joy and love. She is the Founder and Keeper of the Mama’s Comfort Camp, a Facebook community that functions as a safe haven and refueling station for hundreds of moms from around the world. This community is free and open to moms of kids of any age, and we share our laughter, tears, and triumphs, all the while normalizing our motherhood struggles and bridging the gap between expectations and reality in a uniquely judgment-free environment.

www.mamascomfortcamp.com

Anderson Cooper, Meds, Parents, and Responsibility

Today, in 20 minutes from now, where I live, at least, Anderson Cooper airs. He’s doing a segment about Moms & Medication – Mothers who take medication to be a better parent. Anti-anxiety pills, specifically.

I want to be happy they’re covering this but after last night’s initial tweet which has several people I know up in arms, I just can’t. I’m holding my breath and will be tuning in to watch just to see if they cover things properly and make a clear exception that there ARE parents out there who do need medication for mental health issues just to live, not to be a better parent.

Last night, Anderson’s Twitter account for his show tweeted this gem:

Taking mood stabilizers to be a better parent? What do you think of this new trend? Tweet back: #ALParenting

— Anderson Live (@andersonlive) March 3, 2013

Wow.

If there are parents out there truly doing this, yikes. And if this is just Anderson’s way of spinning the situation into a hype, then shame on them. There are multiple reasons a parent would legitimately need psychiatric medication – not just to be a better parent.

Watch with me, follow along on Twitter (I’m @unxpctdblessing), and follow the hashtag #ALParenting.

I’ll be tuning in and pushing back, using both the #ALParenting hashtag as well as the #ppdchat hashtag. Please join me if you can.

This post will be updated with reactions – and if you write anything or have any comments, please do not hesitate to share them here as well.

Update, after watching the show:

Overall, it went much better than I thought it would. However, as with all discussions about mental health, particularly ones squeezed into short segments and sensationalized for daytime viewing, things did go wrong. Below is a short list of what I was happy to see and then a few things I wasn’t happy to see:

Happy to see:

  • Dr. Michele Borba emphasize the seriousness of maternal depression and getting treatment for it. (Also emphasizing that depressed mothers will and should do anything to get help for their illness)
  • Emphasis, again, by Dr. Borba, that we, as mothers, need to get to know our hot points, learn how to deal with them, and how to deal with winding down as a family so we pass on practical de-stressing techniques to our children.
  • Anderson Cooper emphasize, at the end of the discussion, how important it is that if you have an issue with depression or mental illness, to see a doctor about your issues.

Not happy to see:

  • The anti-med member of the panel ask a member of the audience this question: “If your son were to come up to you and say he had a bad day, would you just tell him to take a pill?” The audience member was stunned. Absolutely stunned. So was I. Just because I took medication after I had my children did not mean I only coped by taking a pill. A pill is merely one part of therapy, there are many facets to caring for yourself. There’s a line you can cross into addiction and yes, that is absolutely unhealthy (the anti-med member’s parents had crossed this line), and it doesn’t allow room for healthy coping methods while in the midst of the addiction, but it doesn’t mean you get to toss a blanket of your experience on everyone else. I am sorry that was your experience, but you absolutely do not get to judge me based on that at all.
  • Failure to mention mental illness in any serious way until halfway through the segment. Most of the discussion involved the emphasis on “taking pills to be a better Mother.” No mention of diagnosis was made, nothing. I understand privacy but if you’re on a national talk show to discuss taking meds, make sure you mention why otherwise you’re just feeding the stigma that Anderson put forth last night which is Moms taking pills to be a better parent as part of a trend. Postpartum Depression and Maternal mental health issues (paternal too) are not part of a TREND. They happen, they are real, and they deserve honest and informed coverage.

On to this afternoon when Katie Couric will have a segment about Moms and mental health as well. Today is gonna be fun, isn’t it?

Share your opinions below!

Happy Third Birthday, Text4Baby!

partner button_300x250When Text4Baby first came on the scene, I was very excited. Here was a service that offered moms, for free, information about their infants and motherhood which would come straight to their phones. No signing into email or having to go to a website, just sign up for the service and BAM. Valuable information about your baby comes right to your phone. What’s really cool is that Text4Baby includes information about Postpartum Depression as well!

They turn three this month and I am thrilled to wish them a Happy Third Birthday! Text4Baby has grown quite a bit from a small service to a network of over 900 partners.

Here are a few wonderful facts about Text4Baby:

  • Text4baby is a free service that delivers three text messages a week to pregnant women and moms with children up to 1 year old. The text messages are timed to the mother’s due date or the age of her child.
  • A recent study by GW found that moms who used text4baby were “nearly three times more likely to believe that they were prepared to be new mothers”
  • A study by UC San Diego found that 63.1% of women reported that text4baby helped them remember an appointment or immunization that they or their child needed; 75.4% reported that text4baby messages informed them of medical warning signs they did not know; 71.3% reported talking to their doctor about a topic that they read on a text4baby message.
  • Text4baby is a collaboration of 900 partners. A comprehensive list can be found here.
  • 95% of women who use text4baby would refer the service to a friend

I haven’t used Text4Baby as when they began, my youngest was just a little over two years old so I was out of the target audience range.

As the founder of #PPDChat (which also turns 3 this year, incidentally – in May!), I am all for any technology which helps provide solid information and support to moms. Text4Baby does just that!

I hope you’ll join me in wishing an amazing service a Happy Birthday. May Text4Baby continue to grow and make a difference in the lives of mothers & babies!

I did not receive any compensation for this post. @Text4Baby approached me about writing a post and I happily accepted because I believe in what they do for new parents.

Postpartum Depression is Too Important to Discuss on Twitter

I get that my approach to Social Media and blogging isn’t exactly the most scientific. My roots are not in numbers, analytics, or ROI. While it’d be nice to be earning money at what I do, that’s not why I am here. I’m here to help people. Not to garner the most comments, followers, likes, retweets, etc.

Sure, it’s nice when you manage to get something to trend or have a really good day with retweets on Twitter, but bottom line? I am here to help moms and families struggling with Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders.

If that means I have a slow day at the blog or I don’t blog at all, I’m okay with that. Direct Messages on Twitter, text messages, or phone calls that help a Mom figure out her next step or help a Dad feel a little less scared are worth far more than any comments, retweets, favorites, or likes.

Hang on, folks. I’m still on my Social Media rampage.

It was brought to my attention tonight that a certain blog tweeted a link to a piece about a certain aspect of Postpartum Depression. My friend responded to them, saying she’d been there and articles like theirs wrecked her when she was in the midst of things. Their response?

“It would be best to leave your comment in the appropriate place. 140 characters isn’t good. Here you go —> (link redacted)”

Woman who hosts a weekly chat about Postpartum Depression twice every Monday says WHAAAAAA?!?!?!
It gets better…yes, yes it does. She responded to that tweet, and they then said (hold on…)

“It would help if you would discuss it – not on twitter w/ 140 characters. It really is that serious. Have a good night.”

Original Photo "Wise Owl" by Isolino @ flickr.com http://www.flickr.com/photos/isolino/6288990750/sizes/l/in/photostream/

Original Photo “Wise Owl” by Isolino @ flickr.com http://www.flickr.com/photos/isolino/6288990750/sizes/l/in/photostream/

Wise Owl says WHOOOOOO do you think you are?!?!

So… Postpartum Depression is far too serious to discuss on Twitter. But…

Every Monday I discuss it. For an hour. At 1pm and then again at 830pm ET. In 140 characters or less at a time. Most of my 100k tweets are thanks to tweets about Postpartum Depression, actually.

And during the entire week, women and families discuss Postpartum Depression on Twitter. In LESS than 140 characters. Postpartum Depression is not too important to discuss on Twitter. If anything, it’s far too important to NOT discuss on Twitter.

Comments are nice.

Page views are nice.

SEO helps you get both.

But if you put something out on a platform in addition to where the actual post is located? Be prepared to discuss it on that platform. If you’re not prepared to discuss it then you shouldn’t share it. Anywhere. You also shouldn’t sensationalize things which don’t need to be sensationalized. Don’t use a term just to garner more page views if you’re not going to be responsible with how you present said material.

Do no harm is a wonderful basic rule here. There have been several Postpartum related things I’ve chosen to not blog about simply because I know they would ultimately do more harm than good to my readers and the community I have fostered through #ppdchat. It’s not that I want to keep them in the dark, per-say, just that I know there are other sources they can get the information from should they choose. If, however, the information is incorrect or sensationalized, you better believe I’ll jump on it in a heartbeat to protect my community from being fed misinformation.

If you’re not ready to discuss it, there’s an easy solution for you. Don’t hit publish. If you do hit publish, there’s no reason at all to be rude to someone who initiates conversation with you because you’re putting it out on Social Media. Responding as this account did violates the guidelines of Social Media – being social. Own your site. Own the words at your site. You put them out there, you need to stand behind them boldly.

Also? If you’re not ready to discuss Postpartum Depression with a Mom who’s been through it and has legitimate concerns? Don’t hit publish either. It’s irresponsible and potentially harmful.