Author Archives: LHale

About LHale

Sassy, outspoken, laughing, football loving, F1 & MotoGP fanatic, coffee and beer snob, bacon addicted Mama blogging about Postpartum Mood Disorders as she tries to figure out her new place in this world. C'mon along for the ride, won't ya?

#HAWMC: If I had a superpower

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I have a superpower.

It’s compassion.

When you hear the word “superpower” you think of a super hero able to leap buildings in a single bound or swing from building to building with just a web, fly at top speeds or change the weather to defend themselves.

Compassion is a superpower. Not everyone has the capacity for compassion. It’s a combination of things, really. The ability to listen beyond what someone is saying, to hear what they’re saying, and to make them feel safe in saying whatever they need to in order to help the hurt disappear. Compassion is making someone else feel heard, loved, and safe. It’s not judging their journey or their thoughts about their journey. Compassion is a skilled art, honed over time, but only if the person working toward this goal is blessed with the capacity for love and understanding to begin with.

I use my superpower every day to help new mothers as they struggle along the road of Postpartum Mood Disorders. I empower them to seek help, enable them to realize they are not alone, and provide a safe space in which they can flop down, sigh, and pour out all their worries, concerns, and questions.

I’m grateful for my superpower.

 

 

 

#HAWMC: Be the change

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When Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders first burst into my home nearly 8 years ago this month, the invisible twin of my first born daughter, I had no idea how difficult a journey I faced. I also had no idea how amazing it would be on the other side.

I don’t remember every day of my journey. But I remember snippets, things which I have held onto as I trudge forward on this road of mine. Some are hard, some are crippling, some are funny, but all of them, every single last one, has molded me into the woman I am today. I wouldn’t trade any of them for an easier time of things.

Why not?

All of the hard through which I have journeyed has led me to connect with some of the most amazing, beautiful, funny, and wonderful souls in the world. They are dedicated, feisty, gorgeous, and resilient. They refuse to hear the word no without it inciting a strong desire to fight back. Their voices, even choked with tears and anger, are some of the most powerful voices on the planet. They sing in a chorus rivaling even that of the most talented in the world. A chorus of mothers and families refusing to struggle alone or be brushed aside. Lives demanding change and equal treatment.

They are the change. We are the change.

The change refuses to let stigma have power over us. We refuse to let society dictate to us how motherhood must be. We rip the Johnson and Johnson facade from every wall and repaint it with reality. Then we yell that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to not be okay.

As I’m writing this, “Better than a Hallelujah” by Amy Grant started playing via Spotify. How very fitting. My favourite lyrics from this song are:

“God loves a lullaby in a mother’s tears in the dead of night, better than a hallelujah sometimes…. We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody, beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries of breaking hearts, are better than a hallelujah…”

Even when we think we are completely falling apart, we are still beautiful in God’s eyes. We are still gorgeous even with the cracks in the facade. More beautiful, actually. Those cracks allow us to grow, to heal, to discover ourselves more intimately than those who never crack.

I fight every day to be the change. To provide for at least one other mother the help and comfort I did not have when I struggled the first (and sadly, second) time around. No mother, no family, deserves to fight this beast on their own. We, all of us, are stronger together. We are women. We are mothers. We are strong, even when we feel as if we are porcelain shattered on the floor.

We pick each other up, hand out super glue, chat, talk, support, love. We are the change. You are the change. I am the change. Together, we are amazing.

I picked the right playlist for this exercise, apparently, because now “There will be a day” by Jeremy Camp is playing. What a fitting note on which to end this post.

“But I hold onto this hope, and the promise that it brings, there will be a place with no more suffering – there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, no more fears…”

Yes. There will be a day.

Be the change.

Time Capsule: Oh how I pray for Moms & Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders

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Dear future moms,

I pray this finds you in a better situation than the one in which I found myself after the birth of my first daughter. You see, I struggled with something called Postpartum Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It’s crippling. It makes you not want to do anything for fear of the horrific thoughts the simplest action will trigger in your mind.

Making dinner? Have to chop vegetables. Oh. Knife. Shiny. Sharp. Hrrmm.. sharp…

Water. It’d be easy to just slip under and never come back up.

Medication. I wonder how many of these it would take….

Baby. Every single thing which could go wrong has gone wrong in my head. Whether at my hand or at the universe’s hand.

I pray you’re taken more seriously now if you still struggle with these issues. I pray you don’t fear someone taking away your children if you dare to seek help. I pray even more of you have spoken up about these issues and refused to stay silent, feeding stigma. I pray social support and courage are rampant. I pray that perhaps, finally, mothers have the support they need as they face the challenge of Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders. Or even more boldly, that they don’t even exist any more. But if they do, I pray the road to recovery is much smoother than it is even now.

 

 

Newsflash: Postpartum Depression & Domestic Violence – New study results

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In a new study appearing in the Journal of Pediatrics, researchers discovered a tie between Postpartum Depression and domestic violence. The study, Postpartum Depression and Intimate Partner Violence in Urban Mothers: Co-Occurrence and Child Healthcare Utilization, focused on urban mothers and screened for both Postpartum Depression and domestic violence during pediatric visits for children.

Of those screening positive for Postpartum Depression, 7% also screened positive for “intimate partner violence” according to the researchers. Also according to the study, 60% of those who screened positive for intimate partner violence also screened positive for Postpartum Depression. an interesting side note is that mothers screening positive for Postpartum Depression in this study were more likely to take their children to the Emergency room. Perhaps this is related to the higher level of anxiety and worry we experience during a Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder.

The most important thing to keep in mind as a result of this study is that the researchers did not definitively determine cause/correlation between Postpartum Depression and intimate partner violence. When you’re in an abusive relationship, it can be difficult to leave for many reasons. It may cause depression or you may “allow” the abuse for longer if you are already depressed. It’s a very fine and exhausting line on which to find yourself teetering.

There is always help and hope available though.

For those with Postpartum Depression, visit Postpartum Support International’s website to find a coordinator near you.Or call the warmline at 1-800-944-4PPD.

If you’re in an abusive relationship, you can find help throughout the United States through The Hotline.

You’re not alone, there is help, and there is hope.