Author Archives: LHale

About LHale

Sassy, outspoken, laughing, football loving, F1 & MotoGP fanatic, coffee and beer snob, bacon addicted Mama blogging about Postpartum Mood Disorders as she tries to figure out her new place in this world. C'mon along for the ride, won't ya?

#PPDChat Topic 05.19.14: Once Upon A Time – Expectations vs. Reality

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ppdchat-05-12-14

Remember that moment when you first found out you were pregnant? It may have been a joyous one or it may have been which freaked you out thoroughly, depending on the circumstances. Pregnancy and new motherhood are wrought with expectations either way.

Will I be able to handle this?

It’ll be a breeze, I’ll bring home baby and then x,y,z will happen.

But for many of us, our expectations slam into reality and that reality involves a perinatal mood disorder. As we struggle to merge all of this into our “new” reality, we find ourselves fighting the greatest battle of our lives not only for ourselves but for our families.

Tonight, we’ll be discussing our expectations, our realities, and how we managed to coalesce the two into our “new” normal – a process which seemingly starts anew every day.

I sincerely hope you’ll join us tonight at 830pm ET on Twitter! See you there!

(If you can’t join us, stay tuned to this post for an update which will include a transcript shortly after chat ends at 930pm ET!)

Dear Mom,

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From the very beginning, you knew I would do things my own way. You encouraged that spirit in me – raised me with boundaries and manners but somehow also managed to foster a free and wild spirit without taming it.

You insisted on open communication. Talk no matter what, even when you don’t want to. I remember doing just that with you, for hours, sitting on your bed and talking about everything yet nothing at all instead of napping.

You held me as I wept when your parents passed away, soothing me and reminding me to focus on the silly and ridiculous. But always, always encouraging emotion and never shaming me for letting them out.

You gave me books. Lots of books. Lots and lots and lots of books. Required we read them before we saw movies. I buried myself in those books and loved every second of them. They opened my eyes to so many worlds, so many words, to the ups and downs, and a multitude of emotions.

You chased me around the house with a naked, dead chicken, squawking as you ran toward me while I ran away, shrieking. Or the time I sprayed you with the kitchen sprayer and got it all over the kitchen. Or the times we worked ourselves into hilarious giggles because we were simply having inane conversations. I loved the laughter you brought into my life and the devious sense of humour I culled from you. (Although I know that we take it WAY too far for you sometimes but you, dear mother, are the root of my fabulous sense of humour – that is truth!)

And now, back to seriousness….

Your faith is strong. I see the quiet peace it has brought you even when you have felt like falling apart. I know it’s what keeps you going and it’s that quiet strength given to you by God which makes you the center of the family.

It’s your mode of motherhood – the quiet strength, the hilarious insanity, and the compassion which has so greatly influenced my own mode of motherhood.

You’re still there for me when I need you. Always ready to listen and offer your opinion (even though you know I’m gonna do my own thing). You are more than my mother, you’re my here for putting up with me and the boys. I don’t know how you managed to get through raising all of us and stay as sane as you …wait… that may explain a lot! 😉

I love you more than I can ever possibly express, Mom. And today, this Mother’s Day, I am sending a great big hug down your way along with a huge thank you for your role in shaping me into the woman I am today – for being my fearless cheerleader when I thought I was completely lost – and for being there for me even when you didn’t necessarily agree with what I was doing. I am beyond grateful for everything you have done for me and can’t imagine life without you.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

Love,

Me

#PPDChat: 05.05.14 – The Beast We Don’t Fear with @Alycianeighbour

Alycia is the kind of person every one deserves to have as a friend. She’ll laugh at all the inappropriate things with you, scoop you up when you’re down (even if she’s down too), and then take you to the park where you stomp at pigeons to keep them away. Seriously though, the woman has a very deep heart and has been through quite a bit (you can read her fabulous blog here). She’s the type of friend you can call even if you haven’t talked in awhile and it’s like you never stopped talking. Alycia’s spirit is grounded in her faith in God. It’s constantly challenged by her large (occasionally, okay, mostly chaotic) brood and her menagerie of pets, and soothed by her amazing husband and friends. Somehow, she manages to write and sorta stay sane enough to be friends with the likes of me.

Today’s #PPDChat is based on a post Alycia wrote for me, which appears below. She discusses her dogs (yes, it’s applicable) and how their personalities convey the type of people we might find in our lives. She urges us to find a person like one of her dogs, Tuesday. You’ll have to read the post to discover the details.

This is a chat you don’t want to miss. You’ll laugh, you’ll snort, and most of all, you’ll get some hard truth from both of us about life. See you tonight on Twitter at 830pm ET, 730pm CT, and 530pm PT!

Without further ado, here’s Alycia’s post:

The Beast We Don’t Fear

In our home of 8, there are a lot of beasts we deal with. Recurrent Depression, PTSD, ADHD, and a host of other beasts that show up, because this is Life and sometimes it gets really messy.

This is going to seem like a side note, but is essential in us learning to not fear when the beast shows up.

I have 4 dogs. Their names are Fat Tuesday (160lb English Mastiff) Black Friday (wanna- be alpha male husky 70lbs) Lady Monday (35 lb Shepherd recovering from a broken leg and tentative) and Walter (40lb total mix and MY dog)

I observe them a lot and do a lot of training with them, but never to take away from their inherent nature. The dogs also serve as emotional conductors in my house where nerves get raw and sometimes we need to snuggle and pet something.

(Yes you are seriously reading about dog posturing on a blog that focuses on mental health – hang with me)

Friday has a tendency to get mad easily and will try to take it out on the two smaller than him. Monday will cower and pee on the floor unless cornered and then she takes the teeth out. Walter won’t take his crap at all. But he’s outweighed. So both of them have learned to avoid Bad Mood Friday.

Unless Tuesday is around.

(This sounds like a three stooges routine huh?)

Tuesday is our negotiator and protector when there is a problem, or she perceives an impending problem. Children or dogs beginning to argue, she physically puts herself between them and will nudge the offender or bigger away from the innocent or weak. When someone new is around, she stands guard and on the ready for the unexpected and her services are needed.

Not much gets past a 160lb mammoth dog that is clearly ready to put you in your place.

We all need a Tuesday. I don’t mean we all need a dog as big as a horse, but we need people who will be our Tuesday as we sludge through our mental illness.

We need that one person (or a group is better – but a group dynamic can add emotions which confuse the initial purpose) who we know when we are having a weak day, getting picked on or having an angry day; will lean on us and steer us away from the attack (real or perceived – hurt is hurt, pain is pain – no sliding scale of judgment).

But as great as online groups are and their support can be immediate, we need to find someone tangible, someone who can hold us. Perhaps a relative, friend, family, counselor, etc. just somebody you can touch. Never discount the simple act of your hand on someone’s shoulder who is about to cave.

Alycia & TuesdayGo find yourself a Tuesday and give that person orders to protect you in your fight. You won’t be shunned, I can guarantee that despite your bleak view of the world right now, you will be embraced and you will be safe.

 

#PPDChat Topic: #Semicolonproject416 – Life Goes On

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#PPDChat Topic - ; and Life Goes On There’s a fabulous group bringing attention to those who live with mental health issues – The Semicolon Project. Their mission statement:

“The Semicolon Project is a Non-Profit Organization dedicated to presenting hope, help, and support to the people and communities suffering from mental health issues. We are here to address depression, anxiety, self-harm, addiction, and suicide. We aim to inspire and encourage people to do one of the hardest things imaginable: ask for help when they need it most.”

These are similar goals to #PPDChat. We are here to encourage people to reach out, address issues, and educate those who are fighting against this specific set of mental health issues. Our passion is dedicated to helping new families thrive as they find their way through new parenthood and for many of them, a new struggle with mental health challenges along the way.
According to The Semicolon Project’s Twitter profile, the meaning behind the semicolon is this:
“A Semicolon represents a sentence the author could’ve ended but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.”
Life is challenging with twists and turns. The toughest challenge, however, is to place a semicolon where you feel like there should be a period. Join me tonight as we talk about choosing to move past the tough and continue the sentence into the rest of our lives.
If you, or someone you love, are in crisis right now, there is help and there is hope. Reach out, seek help. If you need to call someone who understands and can help you, dial 800-273-TALK (8255). You are never alone.

#PPDChat Topic 03.31.14: Every Mother, Every Time with @WalkerKarraa

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Join us tonight as we discuss why every mother should be screened for perinatal mood disorders (both during pregnancy and postpartum). Dr. Walker Karraa has started a petition at whitehouse.gov and we encourage you to sign it to support every mother’s right to good mental health (and access to treatment) when she needs it most. See you tonight at 830pm ET, 530pm PT.