Monthly Archives: March 2010

Kendra Wilkinson and “Post-Pregnancy Sadness”

A couple of weeks ago, it seemed that every hollywood gossip website began running with a story about Kendra Wilkinson’s struggle with Postpartum Depression.

She didn’t brush her teeth or hair. Didn’t shower. Finally looked in a mirror and was mortified at the reflection. Even remembers stating she “had nothing to live for.”

The media took immediately jumped on the express to Postpartumville. Postpartum Depression hits ex-Playboy Bunny Kendra Wilkinson. See? Even the perfectly beautiful people have drama and struggle! Cha-Ching!

Yet this week, the week her show premieres, Kendra is pushing back at the media.

According to Kendra, she didn’t suffer from Postpartum Depression as she was never officially diagnosed. And she should know as she’s been in and out of therapy her whole life. Kendra admits it was indeed depression but not postpartum.

Kendra?

Sweetie?

If it’s depression and it occurs within the first 12 months after giving birth, it IS Postpartum Depression. And we don’t get to rename it “Post-Pregnancy Sadness.” Sad people don’t think they have nothing to live for but depressed people have a tendency to have these thoughts. Postpartum Depression is real, it’s not your fault, and you will get well.

Playing down comments such as not having anything to live for as simply being “Sadness” is downright dangerous.

According to E! Online, Kendra did receive professional help and returned to working out. She also moved back to L.A.from Indianapolis.

And her husband’s take on this according to the same piece at E! follows:

As for Hank, he says he tried his best to help but it was “hard because there’s nothing you can say, nothing you can do.” Even as he told Kendra how much he loved her and how beautiful she was, she’d shoot back, “‘No, I don’t feel it,'” Hank remembers.

A huge risk factor for developing Postpartum Depression is a history of depression which it sounds like Kendra struggled with according to several sources. And moving away from family, friends and support is another risk. Ensuring a new mom has a strong and stable support system around her as she navigates her way through the new challenges of motherhood.

If anything, let’s learn something from this.

Most importantly, if you’re struggling so much after the birth of your child that you’re not able to perform necessary hygiene tasks and feeling like you have nothing to live for, seek professional help. The label doesn’t matter. What matters is the help, the recovery, and then we’ll deal with the label later. But with more and more women speaking up and writing online about their own experiences regarding Postpartum Depression, it’s becoming less of a taboo and less stigmatized every day.

Kendra, you’ve really missed a huge opportunity to educate your fans about the facts surrounding Postpartum Depression. I’m not surprised but I am saddened.

Validation of the EPDS in Mainland China for antenatal women

Through research, the Mainland Chinese version of the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale has been validated.

What does this mean?

It means the EPDS is now a valid tool practitioners available for use in the Chengdu region of China to identify pregnant mothers struggling with depression.

More research is needed to validate it for postnatal women. The overall prevalence of antenatal depression was at about 4.7%. Two studies were conducted: One to measure stability, the other to measure sensitivity. Both passed with flying colours.

To read more about this, click here.

Thank you, NY Times, for reminding me why I blog

Wow.

On March 12, the NYT published an article about Mommy Bloggers entitled Honey, Don’t bother Mommy. I’m too busy building my brand.

I needed a good hard smack in the face to wake me up.

A good reminder as to why I, an alleged Mommy Blogger, do what I do.

It’s not because I needed to re-frame a pregnancy after a harrowing rollercoaster ride to Postpartumville.

Nah, can’t be.

It’s not because I want to educate and increase awareness about Postpartum Disorders and recognize other Mommy Bloggers doing the same.

Nope.

What about increasing awareness for resources for families struggling with Postpartum Mood Disorders? Could that be it?

Maybe. But probably not. In fact, I highly doubt it.

Hrm. What about processing the bumps along the road since my pregnancy?

Probable but unlikely.

According to the NYT, I blog so I can get free stuff. So I can pimp my little corner on the web out to Corporate America. And more importantly, I blog because with three kids ages 5 and under, I just don’t have enough to do.

YEAP! That’s IT! SO ME! OH SO ME! *jumps up and down* Wait – how did they know???

Oh wait, I’m supposed to be blogging about how to make tutu’s and scrapbooking too, cuz according to the Times, I care about those things.

Ahem. Who do you think I am? Martha friggin Stewart? Clearly you don’t have a hidden camera here because then you’d know I’m a bit more in Roseanne Barr’s lane when it comes to keeping house.

Thank you NYT for the harsh reminder of why I’ve leapt headfirst into this strange land called the Blogosphere.

I had almost forgotten.

And forgetting why you blog, dear friends, is just dangerous.

Will that be baby or a set of plastic horns?

More and more mothers these days are turning to exclusively pumping for their babies according to an article over at Time Magazine.

Why?

The article gives several reasons from not wanting a baby at your breast to “having other things to do” besides nurse to not wanting the humility of having to nurse in public.

As a mom who has fed her children via exclusive breastfeeding, exclusive pumping, and with formula, I have to say while I understand and I’m glad these moms are at least giving their children the benefit of breastmilk, I’m a little befuddled.

I exclusively pumped for our second daughter for seven months and hated it. I hated the pump. The horns were cold, hard, and didn’t offer to cuddle with me when we were through. They didn’t fall asleep on my lap, snuggled up next to my breasts. No, instead I had to sterilize them and return them to their waiting positions on the kitchen counter. Why did I pump? I pumped because my daughter was born with a cleft palate and therefore physically unable to nurse. As she was facing multiple surgeries to take care of a few issues including closing her palate, I saw my breastmilk as important medicine that would help get her through those early few months with some extra protection. It wasn’t because I wanted to save time (and by the way, nursing a baby does save time – it’s not a Hoover of time as some of these moms would have you believe), it wasn’t because I had other things I had to do, and I would have proudly nursed her in public if I could have.

What’s interesting is that this article cites a research study which showed that not breastfeeding mimics child-loss.

In an intriguing paper published in July in the journal Medical Hypotheses, Gordon Gallup, a professor of biopsychology at the University of Albany, posits another upside to sticking with the breast: a mother’s decision not to breast-feed may unwittingly mimic child loss, evolutionarily speaking. Given that bottle-feeding technology did not exist for the last 99.9% of human evolutionary history, Gallup reasons, the likeliest reason a mother of yore would not have breast-fed is the death or loss of the child. He suggests that the consequences for the bottle-feeding modern-day mother could include an increased risk of postpartum depression and difficulty producing milk. (Read More from the article by clicking here)

There are several other reasons to nurse directly:

  • Heating breastmilk may cause some nutrient loss
  • Pumping requires a high level of sterlization of pump parts and bottles. (Trust me as someone who’s been there – this is time consuming! And I even used Medela’s microwaveable steam sterilization bags!)
  • Freezing milk also causes nutrient loss
  • Some breastmilk does not store well due to an enzyme that cause it to become foul smelling and tasting
  • Time limit on how long breastmilk can be at room temperature. While it CAN be out and about longer than formula, there is a limit. Nursing directly does give you more freedom to do whatever you want to do.

I have always been very supportive of moms doing whatever they feel they need to according to their own family philosophies but this takes the cake. With our third child, I was faced with having to pump again because he wasn’t gaining enough weight with just breastmilk. (My supply had dipped due to some severe emotional trauma). After a day of consideration, I decided to move straight to formula. I could not go back to pumping because I knew where that would lead me and frankly, I just was not ready to return to that dark place.

For any mom out there who is considering to exclusively pump instead of nurse, please know that it is a LOT HARDER to EP than it is to nurse. It takes a lot of dedication, a hospital grade pump to really get a decent supply going and continued, and EP’ing is a lot more time consuming than nursing. Please educate yourself about the pro’s and the cons before jumping into the exclusively pumping pool. It’s filled with some deep water, ladies.

Given the choice, I’d choose baby over horns ANY day.

Why I support other Mothers

I just wrapped up reading a post over at Her Bad Mother, If Prayers were Horses, Grievers would Ride. She’s talking about the recent death of her father and how to cope with her daughter’s questions about death. The post itself doesn’t have a thing to do with Postpartum Mood Disorders. But my reaction to it does.

When I first watched the video montage about Crystal that Joseph Raso sent me, I wept. My children were in the room. And here was mommy, huddled with her laptop, headphones on, tears sliding down my face, my body literally wracked with sobs. Did I know Crystal? No. Do I know Joseph? I do now but I did not then. But I DO know loss. I know the heartache it can bring. I know it all too well. And I suffered from it when I was a child. By the time I was 22, I had lost all four of my grandparents, two cousins, and several other relatives. Most of them succumbed to cancer.

The first death I remember was when my aunt died when I was five. I remember her only a little bit.

My first real brush with a strong emotional reaction was when my step-grandmother died on Thanksgiving in 1987. Imagine getting ready to go to your other grandparent’s house to celebrate and have fun only to have your parents sit you down in their bedroom to explain to you that your grandmother has gone to be with God. I wept. I’m starting to cry again now. Strangely, I just accepted this as part of life. But I had already been through a few other deaths prior to this one so for me, death WAS truly a part of life. We went to her memorial service as she had been cremated. I remember standing at the top of a spiral staircase staring out the windows at the rain. No one was around me, I wanted it that way. My heart hurt. My body hurt. I wanted my grandmother back but I knew she couldn’t come back.

Eleven years later, her husband, my maternal grandfather died. Just a few days before his death, I had a dream. I dreampt his death. I saw him gasping for air, not breathing, calling for help, no one coming to rescue him. A week later, he passed away due to congestive heart failure. This was the first time I had lost someone so suddenly. I became an empty vessel only capable of crying, moaning, thrashing. It was not a beautiful thing. A mere 19 days after this, my other grandfather died. I had nothing left to give. Nothing.

I share all of this to get to my point.

After I watched Crystal’s video, my daughter asked why I was crying. I gulped. Dear Lord, how do I explain this to a child? How do I tell her why this beautiful woman on my computer screen made mommy cry? How?

I grabbed her and held her close. I pointed at the pictures of Crystal sliding across my screen. And I talked to her about what I do. Why mommy is on the computer so much. We’ve talked before but this was different. I told her that this mommy, THIS MOMMY, got very very sad after she had a baby. And no one was there to help her. She didn’t know where to get help. And she made a decision that took her away from her family. That this Mommy’s decision had made her family very sad and now her children didn’t have a Mommy anymore because she’s in heaven. I started to cry again. My daughter looked at me. I looked her in the eyes and said rather emphatically:

“THIS MOMMY is why your Mommy does what she does. Your mommy doesn’t want other kids growing up without a Mommy. YOUR MOMMY wants women to have help and know where to turn.”

We hugged, and a few minutes later, she came back over to me.

“Mommy?”

“Yes dear?”

“I’m sad the Mommy isn’t here anymore.”

“Awww, honey.”

“But it’s ok for you to be on your computer now.”

And you know what, since then, she’s really been okay with me being on my computer.

Kids are resilient like that. Yes, we need to guide them and be careful what they see and hear. But life happens. The more open we are with them about life, the better prepared they will be when they finally step out into that giant pool without us. And if they swim well, we’ve done our job right.