Original Graphic by Lauren Hale, Author, MPV
Mama Guilt.
What does this mean to you?
In your life, right now, what invokes this emotion within you?
Is it when you work? Is it because you don’t work outside the home?
When you do something just for YOU?
When something goes wrong? When you lose control? Fail at perfection? Compare yourself to another mom who is perfectly wrapped and coiffed?
Yelling at your kids instead of gently guiding them toward the desired behavior?
Sleeping when you should be up at the crack of dawn because it’s just not motherhood unless you throw yourself under the bus every second of every day?
Wondering if your child is missing milestones because of something you did or didn’t do?
Are you enrolling them in enough extracurricular activities? Engaging them?
Or are you sitting on your computer chatting on Twitter, reading blogs, commenting at blogs? Judging other moms?
Chiding your husband? Wishing you could stay home with the kids instead of going to work?
Doing ANYTHING without your kids?
Loving bedtime?
Loving naptime?
Mama Guilt.
Dangerous ground, this emotion.
This week’s Just Talking Tuesday isn’t really a conversation starter. Perhaps it is – but I want to issue a challenge along with it.
This week? Pick ONE thing which causes you the most Mama Guilt. Write it down on a piece of paper. BURN THE PIECE OF PAPER. TEAR IT UP. DESTROY IT. LET.IT.GO.
Then Post here. Tell us what you destroyed, how you destroyed it, and why. Let us know how we can help you keep moving away from your guilt. Alone, we are powerless. But together? Unstoppable.
Let’s do this.
Oh my. That’s quite a challenge. My mama guilt runs deep. All right. I’ll pick something, do it and report back. Eep!
Nothing like a good challenge! To choose one and NOT feel guilty, this is going to be really hard, on others as well, I am sure. Its letting go then finding the solace to be okay with it. I might be a little wobbly after and need to find my balance. I will let you know how I do!!! YIKES!
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“it’s just not motherhood unless you throw yourself under the bus every second of every day?” Again, you crack me up.
That’s exactly what I’ve made my mission all about. removing guilt and shame from the mothering and parenting experience. i’m working on developing a class called UnGuilt trip, to make the practice of disarming guilt a habit. Thank you for focusing on this. I’ll write back with a specific reply to your challenge. And I’ll post a link to this on my blog too. love this.
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I don’t suppose I can say “all of the above” can I? is that biting off more than I can chew?
My Mama guilt is usually related to feeling like I can’t balance all the parts of myself, so something always suffers, and even if it’s NOT Joshua that suffers, I still feel like he suffers in the long run.
If I focus on him instead of work, I feel guilty that I’m not focusing on work because what-if-I-don’t-get-that-done-and-I-lose-my-job-and-then-we-end-up-homeless or some crazy stream of consciousness like that. So even though I’m WITH him, I’m not with him.
I need to let go and just BE.
On a piece of orange construction paper I wrote Tourette Syndrome on it. Orange is my sons favorite color (today at least). Then I took it to the kitchen sink with a lighter and watched it go up in flames. I chose taking the Tourette Syndrome because this is what my almost 10yo has recently been diagnosed with, and it has broken my heart. The guilt, unbearable the self blame intense. I have to let this part go, he needs me to be pro-active in his care so we can get his needs met to the fullest. If I don’t let this guilt go, how will I be able to fight for what he needs. I am not going to blame myself for my sons illness, i didn’t do this to him. I didn’t do one thing wrong while I was pregnant with him, I didn’t eat anything while his brain was developing that could cause him to have TS. It is what it is, its in his genetic make – up, yes he is a part of me but I didn’t do this to him, and I am letting the guilt go! Bye guilt, I am NOT going to accept carrying you anymore on this. You need to go! This has been one hell of a challenge, and it wasn’t easy for me (its still not), but even as the tears fall, I know I have to stop allowing the guilt to overcome me! Sorry this is long, I will stop writing now…
Oh boy. I have severe Mama Guilt!
I feel guilty for wanting more Me Time – if I don’t spend all the time with my boys I feel guilty. But I feel guilty for not wanting me time too. It’s frustrating.