Monthly Archives: July 2008

Busy Morning already!

645a – wake up, Chris leaves for work.

646a – restroom

650a – take dogs outside

7a- back inside to fix Cameron’s bottle, realize Charlotte needs to be cleaned up b/c of poopy

705a  – finish cleaning charlotte up, warm up Cameron’s bottle, go to get Cameron.

706a – Cameron is soaked in pee and full diaper includes poopy.

707 – rush Cameron to bathroom with Alli opening doors so I don’t have to touch the pee pee.

730 – finished with Cameron’s bath, new diaper, feeding him his bottle in living room as the girls watch The Upside Down Show. (TUDS)

745a – Cameron finishes his bottle and spits up. Fun. He’s particularly fussy this morning – who wouldn’t be after waking up soaked through in pee?

8a – TUDS finishes and we move to Cameron’s room. Run to get fresh sheets, make his bed, lay him down. He’s still crying but we go to fix breakfast. The girls are swarming now, I think they wanted to climb up me  or something.

830a – finally get to sit down to eat breakfast. Kashi’s Mountain Medly Granola is YUM.

9a -Finished with breakfast, girls play with play-doh and I clean up the kitchen, get laundry going, dishes started, trash bagged up.

930a – sitting down to watch Monsters, Inc. as I work on the computer.

Was supposed to walk this morning but given the unexpected turn of events, did not get a chance to do so – and now it’s nearly 80 degrees here. Planning on doing some Pilates once everyone is down for nap to make up for not walking.

Right now, I’m just grateful for the calm.

Proper Homage to a Tragedy?

Just a warning that the following may be a bit rough for those of you who are still in the throes of PPD.

On July 25, 1946, in Monroe, GA, a tragedy occured. Two couples were ripped from their vehicles by a group of unmasked white men, attacked, killed, and lynched. This incident is known as the Moore’s Ford lynching and apparently for the past three years in Walton County, GA, at the location of this horrific event, there has been a staged re-enactment which is sponsored by the Georgia Association of Black Elected Officials. One of the women was seven months pregnant when she was brutally murdered and this year they gave her unborn baby a name – Justice.

The re-enactment is a “call for justice” for the case as it is still unsolved despite intense investigation and discovery of a potential lead just this past year. The publicity surrounding this event has caused additional leads to crop up and I sincerely hope they catch the guilty parties.

However, I do not agree at all with how they are commemorating the event. Is it necessary to recreate such a horrid crime? Why not do this with all crimes? Where would it stop? I understand the need to remember and to pay homage to the tragedy but is this the proper manner in which to do so? As I read this story in my local paper last night, I could only shake and hold back with mighty strength my anger and utter disbelief that this had occurred not so far away from where I now live. It certainly struck a chord and continues to do so. My heart goes out to their families and perhaps this is a way for them to seek closure – who am I to judge in what manner they choose to do so? And judging I am not doing – I am merely voicing my opinion that this is a very unusual manner in which to pay homage to the demise of these two couples. Let them rest in peace. Release the information, hold a poetry reading or a choral concert – don’t re-enact the crime. Attract the bees with the honey!

New Support Group in Maryland

Please share this with any women you may know in Maryland:

A new support group is starting in Gaithersburg, Maryland!

Starting on August 14th, the group will be held monthy, on the 2nd Thursday of each month, from 6:30 – 7:30pm.

Contact Maryland PSI coordinator Sara Evans at sarajevans@gmail.com, or at 240-401-8045 to register for the group or to learn more.

Sharing the Journey with Adrienne Griffen

Meet Adrienne Griffen, an amazing woman, mother, PPD Survivor, and fellow PSI Coordinator.

Adrienne has been volunteering with PSI for about as long as I have and is located in VA. She recently launched her own non-profit, Postpartum Support Virginia.Not only is she one dedicated woman, she’s from my home state, VA. Gotta show the love, right?

Her first postpartum experience was awesome – she even held a dinner party for 40 people when her new daughter was just three months old! (YOU GO GIRL!) It was with her second child that events quickly spiraled out of control and Adrienne found herself struggling for someone, anyone, to listen compassionately to her and show her the way back out. Finally her husband located a physician who specialized in women’s mood disorders. Adrienne began to recover having finally located the correct help. Her third pregnancy was a lot like mine – she stayed on her meds, educated her doctors (even received an apology) and received a screening questionnaire at her 6 week checkup. (By the way, HAVE you written or called your Senator about the MOTHER’S ACT yet?) Impressed with how far the medical community had come, Adrienne felt great and was now fully dedicated to improving things even more. Read on to find out more…

Just like me, you’ve been driven to help other Moms struggling with PPD through an experience of your own. Would you mind sharing that experience with us and why it inspires you to help other mothers?

After my second child was born six years ago, I had a fairly significant episode of postpartum depression and anxiety. I knew something was wrong because everything about this birth and postpartum period was the opposite of my first experience with childbirth two years earlier. My second delivery was rather traumatic (emergency C-section); my second baby ate more, slept less, and cried more than my first; I had a toddler AND a newborn (which I believe is the hardest stage thus far of parenting); I was totally sleep deprived; and I just couldn’t imagine how I was going to survive the next 18 years until this baby went off to college, never mind the next 5 minutes. Compounding my misery was the fact that my next-door-neighbor had just had her second, and my sister just had her fourth, and they made it look so easy.

The hardest part was finding help. Despite realizing that something was terribly amiss, I couldn’t find the help I needed — or at least the help I wanted. At my 6-week postpartum, I told the OB/GYN that I wasn’t feeling well, and without any discussion she offered me Prozac. When I called the Behavioral Medicine branch of my HMO, I was hoping for a verbal hug from someone who could reassure me that others had felt like this and that help was available. Instead, I was told to call back during normal business hours, overheard the intake nurse tell her supervisor I was “homicidal”, was told that they would report me to Child Protective Services if I had hurt my children, and was charged two co-pays since I saw a nurse AND a doctor. The psychiatrist recommended sleeping pills — I wasn’t sure if he meant for me or for my baby. I called mental health providers but couldn’t find anyone accepting new patients. I called about support groups, only to be told that they were now defunct. I saw a psychologist for several months who never understood how desperate I was. I felt like I was banging my head on a brick wall. Finally, when my son was six months old, my husband located a psychiatrist who specializes in women’s mood disorders and gave me the reassurance and care I needed.

I vowed during this time that I would someday do something so that others could find help more easily. This isn’t rocket science. PPD is relatively easily diagnosed and treated. The hard part is getting information to new mothers and connecting them to health care resources.

Tell us about your organization, Postpartum Support VA. How long has this been in the works and what does it feel like to finally have it up and running?

Postpartum Support Virginia is a not-for-profit organization providing hope and help for new mothers through:

  • support for new and expectant mothers (one-on-one and group support)
  • information and resources for new mothers and their families
  • outreach and education

I think of it as an umbrella covering all the activities ongoing in Virginia dealing with postpartum depression. The website (www.postpartumva.org) lists telephone and email volunteers, support groups, and mental health professionals who treat women with postpartum depression and other perinatal mood disorders.

I’ve been thinking about creating an organization like Postpartum Support Virginia for about three years, ever since I started to volunteer with mothers experiencing postpartum issues. But with three young children (they are now 8, 6 1/2, and 3) I couldn’t devote the time and energy until now. My approach has been to build the infrastructure first, then put the superstructure in place.

In other words, I’ve spent the last few years laying the foundation — helping other volunteers get started, speaking to maternal/child health care providers, leading support groups, networking with others involved with PPD throughout Virginia, attending PSI conferences. The past six months have been about formalizing these operations — creating a not-for-profit organization, building a website, creating a board of directors. The next few months will be focused on fund raising. Postpartum Support Virginia is still in its infant stage, and I really feel like I’ve given birth to my fourth child.

What do you find to be the most rewarding about helping other PPD Moms and families?

There is such joy in helping these new mothers who are swirling around in the whirlpool of depression and anxiety. To see the change after they get the help they need is so rewarding. In particular, seeing a new mother fall in love with her baby is amazing. And to receive feedback like this email from a mom who attended one of our support groups makes it all worthwhile:

“Thank you from the bottom of my heart. The knowledge and encouragement that you all gave me in only 2 visits put me on the path to a better life than I ever could have imagined. I went from the worst time in my life to the happiest I have ever been so I am very grateful. Thank you so very much.”
How did your husband handle your PPD? Any advice for dads struggling to cope with their partner’s PPD?

My husband kept our little family going while I had PPD. He researched this illness and found the psychiatrist who finally helped me. He would come home from work at a moment’s notice when I was falling apart. Whenever I feel guilty about how he carried me through this time, he reminds me that is what marriage is all about. Spouses who see their partners suffer PPD, please remember that this is not her fault, you are not alone, and with help she will be well again.
What is the most challenging thing about motherhood?

The most challenging thing about motherhood is being mentally present for each of my children. They are each so special and unique, requiring different parenting skills from me, that it takes time and energy to give each what s/he deserves.
What is your most favorite thing about motherhood?

The same as all other mothers – BEDTIME! Just kidding.

Three things:

  1. I love making my children smile.
  2. I love seeing the progression towards independence, which is bittersweet but the goal of good parenting.
  3. I love watching the sibling relationship develop.

How long have you been a PSI Coordinator and how did you first find out about PSI?

I have been a PSI coordinator for two years. I heard about PSI from another PPD survivor and volunteer, Benta Sims, who raved about the conference she attended a few years ago. Joining PSI gave me the sense of connectedness and credibility that I needed to do this type of volunteer work.

What do you do when you take time for YOU?

Oh, I take LOTS of time for me to ensure I have time and energy for my family. On a daily basis I exercise and nap — in fact, I have taken a nap virtually every day since I was pregnant with my first child almost 10 years ago. I go to bed at 10:00 every night (except tonight while I am answering these questions!). I see a therapist, go to a chiropractor, get monthly therapeutic massages, and practice yoga. I host coffee once a week with three great neighbors — we solve each other’s problems and keep each other on track. And I have terrific in-laws who take my children for a few days once a year so I can revel in being alone in my own home. This is the best gift ever — and usually when I fall into a novel and read non-stop for two days.

How do you balance motherhood and work?

Balancing motherhood and work is extremely difficult, as most mothers know. I don’t really consider what I do as “work” because I find it so fulfilling — and because I don’t get paid (yet). The way I balance it is being my own boss. I know that at this stage of life I wouldn’t be happy with someone telling me what to do, answering to someone else’s demands or expectations or schedule, and forcing my children into my work schedule. So with my own organization, I can do what I want when I want.

Practically speaking, it means working while my children are at school or at night so I can be fully present for them while they are at home. During the summer I hire a babysitter a few mornings a week to take my children to their swim team or the park while I work from home. I’ve been ramping up slowly, but this year will be a big turning point as my youngest starts half-day preschool.
Finally, if you had a chance to pass on just one piece of advice to a new mom (experienced or not), what would you share with her?

Take care of yourself so you can take care of your family.