While searching for an e-card this morning, I came across one with the three words in this post’s title.
Just have faith.
I paused.
Then I thought about someone saying these three words to a woman in the darkest days of her Postpartum Mood & Anxiety hell.
And then?
I got angry.
Sure, faith is awesomely powerful. It’ll hold you up when you’re struggling, keep you grounded when things are going well. I have no doubt that my own faith carried me through those deep dark days. But if someone had told me to “Just have faith” in the middle of it all, quite frankly, it would have been one of the worst things I could have heard.
But when a person has cancer, diabetes, or a heart attack do we tell them to just have faith? Or to pray harder and everything will be better? Do we tell them to do just that without also encouraging them to see their doctor, take their meds, and go through whatever therapy is set forth whether it be chemo, insulin, diet changes, or lifestyle changes?
Would you do that?
Tell someone with a tumor to “Just have faith” and ignore all that modern medicine has to offer as a chance at survival and remission?
I’m willing to bet you wouldn’t dare.
If you wouldn’t say it to them, don’t you DARE say it to a mother struggling with Postpartum.
Anything else you’d add as something NOT to say to Moms with Postpartum?
“Just snap out of it” That one digs deep with me…
“Just look at your beautiful baby” Yeah, not helpful. Not in the least.
I HAVE a tumor, and while no one has said those three words directly, I do get the implication to just ‘trust in God and it will all work out.’ I don’t think people necessarily say it in either situation as “Just have faith and don’t actively do anything to get better,” but I agree that it’s a platitude that ISN’T helpful. It’s the kind that kind of backhandedly says, “If you don’t cheerfully pull yourself up by your bootstraps by reminding yourself of the goodness of the world or of God, then you’re failing in this trial, sister.” I think it’s the implication of failing if I feel any way but ‘ok’ that bothers me about the statement.
You make a great point in sharing “I think it’s the implication of failing if I feel any way but ‘ok’ that bothers me about the statement.”
There are times when it should be unequivocally acceptable to not be okay. When OK means falling apart and questioning why. When OK means you don’t have to smile or pretend everything is just peachy because your sadness/grief/depression/illness/etc makes everyone around you uncomfortable. It’s okay to not be okay.